Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment


Meg Ryan’s Birthday


Mega Mega

Originally posted on Pfeiffer Pfilms and Meg Movies:

Birthday 0

Birthday 1

Birthday 3

"I'll have what she's having"
“I’ll have what she’s having.”

top gun carole“Hey Goose you big stud!”

Meg Ryan's SmileThose trademark Meg Ryan smiles.

“I’m a flibbertigibbet.”

Bonnie's EntranceBonnie’s entrance in Hurlyburly.

 Bonnie’s exit from Hurlyburly.

Opening TitlesThe thrill of seeing your name in the opening titles.

Sydney Fuller Sydney Fuller.

 Your work with Norah Ephron.

WHMS_2 Your work with Rob Reiner.

 Your scenes with Gwyneth Paltrow.

 “The people in the picture”.

Innerspace LydiaInnerspace’s Lydia …

 ….and her Tazer gun.

DivinylsRita dancing in Prelude to a Kiss.

Maggie's Eyes  in Addicted to LoveMaggie’s eyes in Addicted to Love.

 Your chemistry with Dennis Quaid.

JoeVersusTheVolcano_066Your chemistry with Tom Hanks.

 Kay’s entrance in Flesh and Bone.

Prelude to a Kiss WeddingRita’s wedding in Prelude to a Kiss.

 When Harry Met Sally (Meg Ryan)Harry and Sally.

PDVD_008Karen Walden.

Kathleen KellyKathleen Kelly.

Meg and Matthew BroderickKisses.


City of Angels City of Angels.

 PDVD_016 Courage Under Fire.

Addicted to Love Meg RyanMaggie’s hair in Addicted to Love.

When Harry Met Sally The Story of UsSally’s hair in When Harry Met Sally.

Meg Ryan as RitaRita’s Hair in Prelude to a Kiss.

Maggie’s mural from 

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Bordering…..Sanity, Semi-Silent Septembers & Slippery Septic Steaks

20130930-160141.jpg Kimmie Lou, “Basically you fucking morons have boundary issues…….c’mon you’re the Christ, Antichrist and the guy next door?” Here we are at the Canadian Border just south of Creston, BC and perhaps we do have boundary or border indifference……..zoom in a bit and check out the cheesiest “Welcome to Canada” sign around and WTF is that in the foreground? A culvert flowerbed (deflowered) or did somebody backfill in the entrance to the bomb shelter……..or are Americans tunneling in to Canada again?

Howdy Myst,

Ridicu got a little carried away with our graveyard buddies last night……Kimmie Lou is a little haughty this morning as we are packing on our gear to vamoose Libby. A Sherriff’s SUV keeps circling the campground loop, the deputy is eyeballing everyone. “What did you freaks get up to last night……were you streaking?” asks Kimmie Lou in as low a voice as she can manage. “Streaking with Zombies can get a little dicey……stuff is always falling off em……a couple of those frisky youngsters mighta kept everything together though……” I’m as into weird shit as the next guy, but I had to dissociate from Ridicu last night when the friction dancing started, I just really wanna get outta here…..”breakfast in Idaho anyone?”

Kimmie Lou is pretty excited about being in a whole other country tonight, she has all kinds of questions about Canada as we ride west on Highway 2. “Will there be Polar Bears?” she asks. “Yep, but not until we ride quite a ways east again…….all you get around here are Grizzlies and Brown or Black Bears……..maybe the odd Sasquatch.” It is probably the Yeti in Kimmie Lou talking when she says, “any Bigfoot or smelly Sasquatch fuckers wander into our camp and I’ll kick their hairy asses.” Ridicu and I are too hungry to wait for breakfast in Bonner’s Ferry, we pull into a diner (which will remain unnamed) in a small town called Troy. “And I would just love to sink my teeth into a fucking Grizzly……lemme know when one of these bastards is around” says Kimmie Lou.

As we dismount Kimmie Lou, she bounces up quite a bit lighter on her suspension, but she is still extra nasty……. “Just like you ASSHOLES to suggest a decent morning ride to Bonner’s Ferry and we’re not even halfway when you gotta pull over like a fuckin couple of cry babies because your tummy got grumbly.” We smile sweetly and back away from her slowly, she is almost imperceptibly rocking against her side stand so the gravel beneath her Knobbies crunches……below her breath we think she is saying “you shitty little stones sound just like granola.” Before we enter the Diner’s door, she calls out to us, “hurry up and slide some groceries down your gullets fuckheads…….this place gives me the creeps.”

Ridicu and I know the problem with our lovely mid sized motorcycle is all the Undeath Ridicu was rolling around in last night……it’s been rubbing off on her, she can be pretty saucy with us at times, but she wouldn’t normally be so verbally abusive or hurt a fly (unless it’s so dumb it just hangs around in the glow of our speeding headlight). We are no where near hungry yet, we simply had to get off the road and debug the situation. Kimmie Lou was getting so foul she may have steered us into an oncoming logging truck on the next couple of curves. Machines don’t usually absorb the putrid and vile energy of the undead…….it could very well be her Yeti genetics.

Inside we order Steak and Eggs, “don’t bother cooking the steak and uh…..do you have any Texas toast?” the waitress is beady eyeing us, so I quickly add “you know, real rare – blue like – drop it in for 20 or 30 seconds a side.” The diner is abuzz with talk of “grave robbers over in Libby” so we manage not to stand out as too odd until Ridicu asks for our coffee in a to-go cup. “You boys sip coffee while you’re riding huh?” says our server, not bothering to disguise the loathing in her voice. Ridicu offers his best seductive shrug before she adds, “we just served our last plate of Texas toast…………….will Troy toast be okay?”

We haven’t bumped into any Aliens since St Louis, they’ve likely been nearby observers occasionally and I think we got a glimpse of a few recently, but the waitress (we’ll skip her name) is making herself known pretty plainly. She understands what we are here to do and that it just has to be done, her disgust with the situation is fairly matter of fact…..we don’t take it too personally. Experienced Paramedics will tightly tuck a drunk’s shirt into their trousers before loading them into the rig……. After a few blocks when the drunk starts to heave, the neck of the shirt gets pulled over their nose……containment.

We made a show of dabbing Troy toast into our egg yolks and cut a few ribbons of the sirloin for effect, it was almost perfectly raw. Ridicu and I are average Indivisibles……we can handle close contact with the undead for fairly long stretches without ill effects for us or generally anyone else we are in contact with. Now because Kimmie Lou is getting sick we must wash away the undead, which means our living tissue needs a good scrub…….with dead.

As far as we know there are only two places where a restaurant patron can casually walk to the restroom while holding a raw steak and a half cup of to-go coffee without raising any eyebrows…..Texas and Montana, lucky for us we were still in Montana (barely).

Here Ridicu takes over narration……I really need to forget what we did with that steak.

The bathroom is an afterthought…..it was probably the rear entrance that lead to a messy trail a ways back into the woods where an exquisitely slanted shithouse was dynamited back in the 1960s or 70s or whenever all those shithouse bombings happened. The toilet is too low and fits loosely to the floor – it wobbles, the sink is more of a spice rack with only cold water that dribbles mostly around the base of the faucet…..if you don’t mind touching the rust stained porcelain you can get your hands wet. This closet is a wonderful little health code violation already, so it’s perfect for what must be done.

We slip off it’s lid and the coffee goes onto the back of the toilet tank…..a light ripple quivers across the surface of the coffee whenever a large truck rumbles by on the highway. The steak rests on the coffee lid while we undress, our clothes go onto the knob and our sandals lay along the door’s threshold…..we wait. Even though the door was locked it opens a few inches and the Alien waitress’s hand darts around to collect our clothes and sandals, then she slams the door shut…..we lock it again.

Normally inanimate objects like clothes don’t need to be decontaminated…….they really can’t absorb much Undead energy……Kimmie Lou has so we can’t chance that a rebound / slide around situation hasn’t happened between her foot pegs and our sandals, then up and over her saddle across our shorts. This could keep infecting her, we have to break the cycle.

Our apologies to our readers for the next little stretch, if all this is triggering any of you just skip the next paragraphs until the steady italic type stops.

Wringing as much blood out of the steak as we can into the coffee takes a few minutes, then we pop the lid back onto the cup, around an ounce or so of blood in around eight of coffee should do the trick. If any of you find yourself in a similar situation to Ryder and I where a raw meat whore bath becomes necessary…….take our word for it, a light cut of sirloin works best, stay away from rib-eyes or T bones……you really want to go boneless here and as compact as possible.

We get one side of the steak good and slippery with Undeath after rubbing it everywhere. Whore baths mostly involve your middle, but there was a lot of slinking about at that graveyard…..it is probably best that Ryder remains foggy on last night’s maneuvers (avoid bringing Libby or Troy up to him the next time we are talking). By the time we have the flip side of the steak in the last place you think a steak should be, the slippery little fucker has started twitching. Like most skanky restrooms this one has a plunger permanently perched alongside the head, it occurs to us that we haven’t test flushed the plumbing yet and we have to do it with an elbow because our little buddy has started writhing so much it is taking both our hands to hold on.

Of course the toilet barely swirls it’s water before emptying in what looks like a very tentative way……this crapper is definitely not a steak swallower.

Unsteakie senses our intentions and begins to struggle more, it’s quite something to transfer last nights load of Undeath onto a chunk of meat around the size of your palm……this little bastard is becoming more and more ferocious by the second. We drop to our knees, our left hand pins Unsteakie against the back of the toilet bowl as our right swiftly reaches out for the plunger. Unsteakie starts to whine as we push it harder into the porcelain…….which is pretty impressive as sirloins don’t have vocal cords, eventually we have it wedged tightly under the rear rim of the crapper, a build up of calcium high on the bowl at the lip provides a little more traction to keep the little bugger in place.

Even though most of our weight is being transferred through our locked left elbow we still have enough reserve to kneel against the plunger shaft where the floor meets the wall. Our right hand grips the bell of the plunger near our ankle. The rubber is sorta slimy inside, but we get a decent enough hold to twist the shaft as we sharply raise it to snap the wood near the middle of the handle where a lovely bit of the wood’s grain spirals.

Voila! A wonderful little stake for Unsteakie.

Our left fingers open in the middle just like Spock saying “live long and prosper” except this time we mean the opposite. Mr Stake pierces Unsteakie through the middle and a gut wrenching squeal echoes around the bowl…..the din from the bustling diner quiets for a few beats then gradually builds back up. We have to move fast because sirloins don’t really have hearts that you can drive a stake through…….Unsteakie is probably just stunned for a few minutes.

As expected, the anemic flush barely takes our temporarily immobilized little friend into the porcelain’s neck. The water continues to flow out of the tank as if everything is moving along the discharge, but it isn’t. With the water rising rapidly in the bowl we begin working the short shafted plunger sorta like…..well…..a whore.

We move Unsteakie a little further down the pipe, but the toilet overflows some anyway. The floor of the bathroom slants away from the door and the water disappears under the baseboards. It looks as if we will be at this a while, our knees are sore from slipping around on the linoleum some, we take a bare assed seat in front of the throne with our legs gripping the base of the bowl……the pumping continues. When we have plunged the last of the water into the toilet’s neck we flush once more and again pump like mad, the excess water over the edge of the bowl isn’t so bad this time and we are able to dry the bowl in about half the time.

Five flushes later we are exhausted…..drenched in sweat / soaked in toilet water, but fairly sure we have driven Unsteakie at least halfway to the Septic Bed. Our legs are asleep, we lower the toilet seat…..somehow we are able to lift ourselves onto the head. Our mission is almost complete, we feel like we have been lashed to the mast of a fishing trawler during a monsoon. Now imagine we are untied and are coiling the hefty line back on deck. Before the last flush we shut off the toilet’s water supply……our coil conforms beautifully to the dry porcelain.

When we are finished and the circulation has returned to our legs we do what we can to clean up with the dribble from the sink and a sputtering soap dispenser. Another knock at the door, our clothes come in and then a flat pan slides along the floor, nothing is said. There is around an inch of cold bacon grease – all sliced into cubes like ice – in the bottom of the pan. After we get dressed we slowly pour the cubes over the top of our neatly coiled poop and the mound’s remaining heat gently softens the bacon grease so that a wax-like coating encases our shit.

Unsteakie’s tomb is sealed……when it revives, it will have no choice, but to return to the ground.

When we exit the bathroom with our bloody coffee there is already a sign that says “OUT OF ORDER” affixed to the door which we have locked behind us. Our table is cleared and the Alien Waitress waves us along, the bill has been tossed……she just wants us gone.

Outside, Kimmie Lou is still punishing the soil beneath her. Her tires have worked themselves almost two inches into the gravel, stones have bubbled up around the troughs made by her tires like popcorn. As we approach we can actually hear her hissing. “Think you have everything cozy and compacted you cocksucking little sandy layer?” She laughs a sick little twisted laugh and then says, “I’m gonna spray you around like refugees on my way outta here, you grainy little fucks.”

Obviously Kimmie Lou has been too busy hating the Earth to have any idea about what has been going on inside the Diner, we are standing right next to her and she doesn’t even know we are here. It takes her a few seconds to register that someone is pouring greasy coffee all over her seat and down her sides……”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSHOLES DOING!” I startle a bit, “aw shit, the lid wasn’t on the coffee…..sorry Kimmie Lou.” We just happen to have a whole wad of napkins on us and we are apologizing like crazy while rubbing off all the slimy residue coating her mid – section. A couple walking across the parking lot gives us a wide berth…..Eventually the bitching, frantic apologies and vigorous drying settles down.

An Alien bus boy walks up to us with a broom and a steel dustbin, he begins sweeping the gravel until all the napkins are inside the dustbin. When there is a break in the traffic he trots across the highway to the Kootenay River…..a small flask of lighter fluid is extracted, then a handful of twigs and grass are pressed into the bin before the pyre is lit. A gentle morning breeze carries the squeals downstream, but we can still hear the Unnapkins meeting doom all over again. When the burn is over the Alien swishes the dustpan around in the water so whatever ash remains gets the burial at sea treatment. On his way back in to the Diner the Alien scowls at us, Kimmie Lou has been silently watching him since he came out and collected the napkins. She waits for him to enter the Diner, then turns to us and asks, “what the fuck is going on?” “Can we tell ya while we ride Kimmie Lou?”

She looks at the ground around us and says, “okay, but I wanna kick up a little dust on our way outta here.”

We almost go down a couple of times because of all the gear on Kimmie Lou, but we manage to crank off seven or eight donuts (doughnuts) before we return to the highway. The breeze generated at 60 mph (100 kph) feels like it has a little Amelia Earhart in it, Ridicu fills Kimmie Lou in on the effects of Undeath and the measures we took to treat her. She remembers our morning and the terrific anger she had going, but she thought she just sorta seemed…..well…..spunky. “You were becoming a bit of a monster Kimmie Lou…..we woulda been dead by lunchtime if we didn’t decontaminate you” she still drifts over close to the yellow line when we meet a logging truck…..like she’d like to give one a slap – its kinda funny how we get blown around in the turbulence except the few times the truckers leaned on their horns.

Crossing into Idaho……Kimmie Lou exclaims “I feel reborn!” “I think this near death experience may bring us closer together Morons……how the darkness sort of lightens you up.” We ride in silence for a while until we encounter Our Field Of Duality.

20131021-211740.jpg Kimmie Lou, “here we are again in a picture that shows both sides looking the same but opposite.” Our regular readers may recall this shot used as one world was ending and another was beginning almost a year ago. The picture and our road trip are from the summer of 2012……here in 2013 our trip is still a blog S-L-O-W-L-Y rolling out as we intermingle Opinion / Rambuncious Manifesto type pieces. Our riders from 2012 are aware of the 2013 (New World) pieces. Kimmie Lou, “Morons…..if our readers gotta track along anything resembling reason they dropped away a while back, this little back and forth in time business is hardly worth mentioning.” “We mention it and anticipate returning to this field occasionally because Ryder and I sorta do whatever the fuck we feel like doing……also, here Kimmie Lou is no longer just a Dual Purpose Motorcycle…… she is awakening to the duality in her being……”

We hang out in Our Field for a decent stretch, Kimmie Lou explores this transcendence that she has experienced…..”it was like death was inconsequential – my being is obviously in more than one place.” “Sure, but can we stop playing chicken with logging trucks.” Its cool to welcome death in much the same way life is welcomed, better to not wander out into the road looking for it though.“Yeah Kimmie Lou, the front end of these trucks are pretty messy……lots of squashed bugs. How about we check out some of the sheer drops through all the passes coming up? Wouldn’t it be better to kinda just go sailing right out there?” Ridicu extends our left arm with our hand flying out into space.

After some discussion we agree that Thelma & Louising it off some great precipice at high speed could work for us should exiting this place become attractive. “Let’s hope we land somewhere in the next round AFTER the invention of ice cream.” “Do you guys know when you’ve married a Kristy?” says Kimmie Lou. Ridicu and I briefly cross eyes…..was HW a Kristy? Kimmie Lou is laughing like she is following a dune buggy down a flight of steps, “I mean IRS Dodger Kristy…..she was talking about being married to you goofs a few rounds ago.” “You mean the one with a little Apache in her…..gave us the best elbow we ever had?” Kimmie Lou nods. “Yeah, come to think of it she did seem pretty familiar.” Don’t get on the edge of your seats…..Ridicu sorta remembers being wildly in love with every woman he meets.

“Well here’s the thing” says Kimmie Lou, ” in the infinite universe all possibilities exist…..you morons have been married to everyone innumerable times.” “Sure Kimmie Lou, we have encountered everyone as wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, parole officers right on through bicycle mechanics and secret shoppers…..so what’s your point?” “Ever wonder why men tend to objectify women so easily?” asks Kimmie Lou. “Sheer Terror.” offers Ridicu…..all of us crack up for a stretch.

When the laughter fades away, “actually it is a way to Unopen Heaven” offers Kimmie Lou. She obviously had quite the chat with the Kristies while we were stumbling about outside the MK Steakhouse……not too many motorcycles know Heaven is perpetually sprung open except when everyone stops looking around with love in their eyes and hearts. She goes on, “there is a reason its called The Realization Of Man…..the realization of the species has a nice equality ring to it and everything, but that isn’t quite whats going on. We think about this a few minutes, there is something vaguely familiar about the scent in the air. Kimmie Lou eases back in, “at the open Man’s isolation is lost…..he awakens to all loves.” A few beats go by then Ridicu snorts,“so I’ll see your hundred virgins and raise you…..millions?”

Kimmie Lou says nothing…..she just waits for us to interface. Ridicu knows or has glimpses of stuff I don’t know and I have metric tons of information he has forgotten…..when I forget something he gets his jollies by casually dropping the fact into a conversation when I least expect it. We interface once or twice a decade, Kimmie Lou is waiting and Ridicu is available, I’m just not ready to do it at this moment.

I have begun to wonder if this whole fucking blog is just a very long elaborate suicide note.

“Yes.” Follwed by Kimmie Lou’s “probably.”

“I’m not so sure about making a run to Mecca this year, maybe it would be better to wait for an invite”

“Okay.”Then Kimmie Lou shrugs seductively, “whatever you say.”

The thing is Kimmie Lou is getting to an age in motorcycle years where she is ready to shed her virginity, she would love to kick around Europe for the harvest and give herself to a Vintage Moto Guzzi before we ferry down into North Africa. We talk it over for a while and decide to play things by ear.

Before we leave the Field. “What do you guys remember about FUCK?” asks Kimmie Lou. Freedom United Cosmic Kristies has become Kimmie Lou’s favorite new word, even after we got the Undeath off her she is still “Fuck that”…..Fuck thissing up a storm – almost like she’s from Northern Ontario.

“The various common origins of the word fuck are all bullshit…..our favorite is when after the Black Plague a scarcity of children was viewed as a problem in England and the call went out:

Fornicate Under Command of the King

“Yeah, that one is pretty cute,” says Kimmie Lou, her forks half chuckle as they sway side to side.

“The way I remember it…..it all goes back to the Garden Of Eden. Adam croaked F-U-C-K to Eve after she roundhouse kicked God in the face.” Yep, he was spitting teeth for quite a while there…..Taoism, Judaism, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism and all kinds of other stuff. Little chunks of enamel and root debris like Scientology are still getting coughed up. Kimmie Lou hums “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” while she watches us both as we wobble a bit…..

It is practically impossible to say what happened under the Apple Tree, Ridicu tingles with his perceptions…..I have a couple of hazy ideas. We intuitively understand we are far better off not knowing particulars here…..our awareness will never be conjoined. The basic understanding we grasp is God somehow Crossed Eve and she didn’t go for it, the Apple and the Snake were all part of the cover up. A lot of beings got misinformed for these events…..this is where Public Relations got its start and of course God swung a big stick.

When Kimmie Lou senses we are sorta stable, she continues “Creatures of the Forests and Seas and Skies and Everywhere are sensing the truth and Kristies will continue to surface…..restoring nature as they emerge.” “So you’re a Kristy now Kimmie Lou?” “Morons…..you both know everything with feminine energy is a Kristy. First there was Eve Kristy, then Adam Kristy all down through their children…..eventually a trend caught on where weird middle names became a thing and little Jason or Jennifer Kristy became Jason Boris and Jennifer Natasha…..who knows how this shit gets started?”

At the time of this post Ridicu and I have still been unable to work out our broader identity:
We seem to be leaning towards the KRRK abbreviation as the laughing RR is preserved…..we have discussed our inner 12 year old girl with our therapist, but we still haven’t quite come out as a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. Our therapist is still trying to get her head around dozens of our issues so it may take some time before we have everyone seated at the table to hammer things out. We’ll update the site name after we’ve been to the courthouse for an official name change.

Before we leave Our Field Of Duality Kimmie Lou says, “So it’s largely up to Men and certainly Women are involved, but the species needs to embrace the Mystery and Grace abundant in its Feminine or settle for the everyday fuck…..personally I’m holding out for the Magnificent…..the Spectacular…..the Wondrous.” Kimmie Lou’s engine has started and Ridicu and I decide to take her back onto the highway before she overheats. When we’re up to highway speed and Kimmie Lou’s temperature cools I ask, “where did Eve get the balls?” It kind of boggles the mind to imagine what she was thinking before starting the ultimate shit storm. “They’re called ovaries and they remain close to a Woman’s Center…..unlike our traveling gonads that swing vulnerably in the breeze and shrink in the cold.”

Kimmie Lou starts to sway like we are down the backside of The Trail Of Tears, “a lot of this round seems to hinge on balancing Feminine and Masculine where Nature keeps the units of measure to herself.” The next thing we know our hands have left Kimmie Lou’s handlebars and are folded across Mr Fandango. She continues to slalom…..even more expertly down the road, “a lot of it is about letting go boys…..and quieting down.” A logging truck is approaching and I guess the trucker is a little unsettled by the sight of us because he is almost taking the shoulder to steer clear. Ridicu and I wave with both hands as Kimmie Lou tightens up her turns just millimeters from the shoulder and the yellow center line, her snaking around strikes fear into the heart of the trucker at first, then he gets it and waves back smiling like a kid on a ferris wheel.

As we approach the Border we realize we forgot to ask HW to overnight our passport to the motorcycle shop like we had planned (who knows where it would have wound up). There are certain code-words every Canadian knows for getting back into the country without papers…..Peameal Bacon, Mint Aero Bars and so on. We agree that Ridicu will do the talking……Cops, Immigration Officers, Park Rangers and some Secret Service Agents love Ridicu for some reason – go figure.

We pull up to a booth where a Curly Brown Haired, Brown Eyed Rugged Canadian Woman in a Customs and Immigration uniform is typing something onto her screen. The exterior of the booth is finished in wood siding so that it looks like you are entering a Provincial Park, but the inside looks kinda like tactical command center. “Howdy Miss, is that a Peameal Bacon sandwich I smell? She hardly glances at us as her left hand reaches out to us with what looks like…..our passport. “A Pelican dropped this off here for you around an hour ago” then she adds, “are you boys going to stay decently clothed in public during your stay?” Ridicu shrugs seductively, “more or less.” “And Smartassery…..any chance you could trim back on it for this visit?” “Not likely.” She types a few more things into her screen and then scrolls to the bottom of what we assume is some dossier on us, then she says, “your Tasmanian…..up to date on his vaccinations?”

We are wearing the Tasmanian on our right elbow and we turn to look at him for a sec, when we look back over Curly Canada Customs has swiveled her seat and is leaning out of her window and looking over Kimmie Lou, “Nice Knobbies” she says. Kimmie Lou has never been to a Border Crossing before so she is not sure whether to say thanks or stay quiet so she just dips her forks a bit in a very subtle curtsey. “The Tasmanian is a Devil…..DIS ease is part of his thing…..it would be pointless to vaccinate him.” “Oh” she says, then turns back to her screen, as she’s typing she’s speaking the words “Vaccination Record reviewed and up to date.” A big smile comes across Curly’s face as she waves us on, “welcome home boys…..we’ve missed ya.”

Before we put the Tasmanian back on and ride away we flare our nostrils appropriately at Curly, but she’s already back in her screen reviewing the registrant of the El Camino behind us. A ways up the road Kimmie Lou asks, “aren’t borders supposed to be a little tougher?” “Technically, they’re a filter for bad elements, but when nothing seems too nefarious……they are basically just a nice place to stop and chat for a bit.”

Riding the afternoon Northwest of Creston is wonderful, the roads along Kootenay Lake – Highway 6 & 31 are a lot of fun to ride, kinda like North Carolina and Tennessee, but something has changed…..Canada definitely seems different…..there’s something in the air.

20131027-225449.jpg Another Mirror Lake? It’s likely several lakes in North America are called Mirror, but there is a softening of light and a differing density to the air, a scientist might talk stuff like elevation and whatnot, but we know something is shifting. Kimmie Lou, “No actual Thrum……but it’s like 739,216 pairs of eyes are on us around here.” “All this inhaling and exhaling, it’s not just all the Critters, the Earth itself is breathing.”

Okay, okay, okay…..so we’ve talked oneness and some wide concept / semi-crazy stuff through the blog…..check out the Kootenay Region when you get a chance, you’ll see what we mean. The three of us are silent for a few minutes, just sensing it all, when finally Kimmie Lou says, “this Semi-Silent September stuff hasn’t exactly caught on next year…..even you guys haven’t bothered to quiet down.”

When we are back on highway 31 heading North, I explain “Ridicu and I contribute to the silence somewhat differently Kimmie Lou……it’s a timing thing.” She thinks this over for a few miles, “I don’t think this will work out, people don’t like to be told to shut up.” “things sometimes turn out differently than you would expect Kimmie Lou…..we have as much interest in unintentional consequences as intended action.”

At Kaslo we encounter a sign that makes Kimmie Lou sputter, we switch her onto reserve and pick a gas station.

20131028-135357.jpg Kimmie Lou, “the double rainbow marks our first corner fellas” Nakusp is around 60 miles (100 Km) away, but we are on pavement that we will backtrack along on our journey east in a few days after the Motorcycle Rally. We kinda figured our Eastern leg would start from around here, but whenever we asked Kimmie Lou she would say someone told her to wait for a sign…..then we would be ready to start the next leg of our Land Based Devil’s Triangle.

Kimmie Lou has been tight lipped about who or what is working out most of our navigation. Whenever we look at a map, certain routes are obvious, but Kimmie Lou will throw out alternates at times. She knows stuff about what is coming up ahead of us…..it could be a little Wanda Witchyness, more Mistress Luscious Lasagna, some Stinkless or Misty Mountain Lion. Ridicu and I have made our peace with various Mysteries…..could be the Kristies, then again there’s Angle and let’s not forget the Lovely Lightly Freckled Lizardu. An idea to be in control, to know all factors going in to something wastes a phenomenal amount of energy. Understanding every detail in things is like we’re distrusting the Universe, better to figure stuff out as we go…..or not.

“I wouldn’ta guessed a double rainbow as a corner piece for a Devil’s Triangle though…..” Before we leave Kootenay Lake and head for Valhalla Kimmie Lou smiles, “Girl Power dudes, this really is about to be a Whole New World.”


Ha! Double Rainbow…..bitches.



Things are not what they seem


Someone who does their homework :)

Originally posted on openobserver:

One of my favorite authors and teachers in Rupert Spira.  I first became acquainted with him through his book “The Transparency of Things”.

Mr. Spira is a teacher of the non-duality philosophy which essentially says that there is no separation, no objects, no people, etc., just awareness or “knowing”.

He points out that all we experience actually takes place at the level of the mind or sensory perception.  For instance, if we see or hear a car over there, it is the mind that interprets both the object and the distance.  At first glance this seems obvious but the non-dualist point out that there is no actual experience of the car or distance.  They further point out that although we tend to think we are located somewhere in a body looking out at the world, in reality we experience the body the same way we do the world, simply by…

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Fun The Mental: Revised And Completed (Finally)

Howdy Myst,

As many of you know, the Fun The Mental post was accidentally published when only partially completed. For the past few weeks I have had the last section out for tweaking and adjustments…..kind of a “knife at my throat” editing, it probably would not have taken its current form without my compulsion by design need to twist things around while it hung to dry. Go on back to the original post to see the final version (you are not getting a link – it is the post just before this one :)). It may never feel finished for me, but this seems where it should be…..more or less.

I do a lot of things the hard way…..my therapist isn’t happy about it. Apologies to any of you who happened to look in on the rougher sections these past few weeks. If anyone would like to hear a podcast where I talk with Michelle from Steadily Skipping Stones go here:


We talk about how RidicuRyder began, my Bipolar disease and coming to a place in life where reshaping certain realities becomes necessary.

A lot of RidicuRyder ventures beyond sanity…..it is disturbing in spots, but I look at it this way……any of you entering a building with a claustrophobic friend would understand that they would be avoiding the elevator and taking the stairs to the floor you were headed for. Perhaps you decide to get a little exercise and take the stairs with them or you might feel lazy and just hop the elevator. Your destination is agreed upon, it’s just that at least one of you is getting there in an alternate fashion.

I generally take the elevator and I don’t mind being squeezed into tight spots at times, but I do feel confined by our species in its present form. I understand there are all sorts of rational reasons I shouldn’t be…….but I am. So I am out at the edge of various floor plans seeking steps elsewhere, sorry if it isn’t pretty…..I know it can be hard to watch. I am the guy teetering out on the periphery…..what can I say?

Several friends and family accept my goof (at least they tell me they do). Thanks to everyone for understanding and especially the few that helped with this post…..you know who you are :)



Fun The Mental

Howdy Myst,

A limitless mind can be a great comfort and an excruciating discomfort at the same time. We know everything…..know. Our problems arise when we begin grasping for knowledge, attempt to manipulate knowledge, basically we see ourselves without knowledge. The primary vessels we carry our lack of knowledge in are called beliefs…….if you would rather not know – believe. I would rather not know, but just skip the beliefs……then the option for knowing still exists.

The Catholic upbringing hasn’t quite stuck, my Excommunication Notice keeps winding up at the wrong address, which is handy because it’s fun to give Romans a hard time……from within. My Indivisible has almost no use for world religions, it’s okay to get snowed in one winter and get dialed in to a regular soap opera, but c’mon…..spring is around the corner.

Shamans, Healers, Yoda and the rest of the alternative spirituality crowd will sometimes resort to reality shifting substances to get a glimpse beyond ourselves. Mescaline, Hasheesh and Coca are a few natural substances that have expansive effects. My built in spirit wiggler is Bipolar disease, a Salt – Lithium keeps me from expanding too far, it works pretty well for the most part. Ridicu prefers the name “Multipolar with well defined North and South Poles” instead of Bipolar, if you read the blog we are not really into labels (except for fun or horrific effects)…..we know we are oddballs and like it off road.

Broadly cycling moods along with contracting, then expanding senses of yourself leave a lovely groove for the duality of things. Duality can have limits if you are doing it wrong……when opposing factors become balanced or boring merely package them (sloppy is fine) and then begin weighing them against third factors etc. I don’t get too hung up on refined math or logic usually…..unless I am trying to convince myself I don’t know something….. Ridicu calls this being confined by reason. We aren’t magicians, it’s just that we sometimes sweep knowledge aside to arrive at certain destinations. So at this point you may be scratching your head a bit…..basically we almost never get tired of fucking around between Science and Spirituality, it’s especially fun to bundle them and then dual them against Character…..it’s our favorite three-way.

Which Characters? Almost anyone really, the one that really pops though is our Megalomaniac. It is no coincidence that my favorite language describes Megalomania as an extreme form of manic defense against the anxiety resulting from separation. The last few words of this definition: separation “from the object”, have been tossed aside – just plain separation works fine. Things will become clearer when we discuss our Indivisible later. Anyone getting annoyed with trying to figure out if I actually have multiple personalities? If you get all focused on the multiple personality issue being rolled around in my right hand you are going to miss what is going on in my left. Don’t get distracted, yes I have multiple personalities……except we don’t (this may get clearer as we go).

Back to reason for a bit, the crazy thing is fucking tricky. We have come to accept ourselves in two main crazy states: Horribly unrestrained by reason (this is when a lot of crazy people get noticed) and Delightfully unrestrained by reason (generally, someone says something like “Wow, you’re pretty creative”). Doing Delightful regularly is kinda like windsurfing……you fall (horribly) quite a bit in the beginning and even after you get the hang of it the elements conspire to frequently keep you humble. I also have a “Regular Guy” state where we are mostly confined by reason. This is where I do stuff like laundry and show up for work as a RN, what Ridicu calls our “Character Job”…..it pays the bills.

As far as falling off the windsurfer goes, there are dozens of variations, a few are:

– landing on the sail
– falling in backwards while holding the boom so you have to swim out from under the sail
– going in head and shoulders first
– dropping off feet first as a balanced dismount
– hitting the board on the way down, then sliding or rolling off as a groan leaves your lips

Being Horribly unrestrained by reason includes stuff like:

– having hyper religious thoughts
– experiencing flight of ideas
– exhibiting a savior complex
– straining to maintain a god complex
– developing some kind of drama where people are likely to get hurt

I have tumbled through all this horrible stuff and I fully expect to endure more of the same as time rolls on. You could say the thing we are falling into is water…..these Oceans blanketing the Earth where everything is flowing into and out of this Great Watered Body. Pressure is what causes the fall…..this sense of there being more than ourselves, something just out of our grasp yet whispering to us at the same time. Whether we enter the sea or drift up into the atmosphere and beyond, many of us know there is something universal connecting us all, we sometimes just look like fucking morons trying to find it.

Being grandiose is phenomenal, you can’t buy drugs that bring a better rush towards everything…..the difficult thing is being 7 million light years away and then realizing “Yikes, I forgot my spacesuit!” We have an endless mind/spirit sphere of operations with very little tangible structure – or what I have come to think of as Character to hold things together. The individual blasting off on his or her own is bound to fall apart. Getting way out there with spirituality or science becomes too unstable an environment.

I started reading Einstein in my early twenties and I enjoyed a lot of his perspectives, but these three quotes struck me significantly:

1. “A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive.”

2. ”The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

3. “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions. Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

Okay,there are multiple imagination quotes in #3, I remember looking over this book called Einstein, Ideas and Opinions for years. I would keep it at my bedside and read a section before sleeping and when I woke up. For some reason I got kinda fixated on #2 and began looking for where Einstein contradicted himself and what the flip side of his perspectives would be…..I probably imagined a lot as my sleepy morning dreamer would process a page or two and then I would fall back to sleep.

Years ago I discovered that F.Scott Fitzgerald, not Einstein said the bit about holding two opposing ideas in #2, but by then I had already decided Einstein could be kind of a slippery fucker. I may have been reading the New Yorker in a dentist’s office and picked up the Fitzgerald quote…..who knows? So I sorta have a F. Scott Big Al sensibility for some stuff, what can I say…..I’m a goofy hybrid that has conformity issues.

#1 has stuck pretty hard, I kinda have it in my bones now. I got into meditation while living in Vancouver in my early twenties, the Einstein imperative to liberate from the self was swirling pretty good. The idea of an open Universe right at the edge of my consciousness made more and more sense as time went by. The group I meditated with had evening and day gatherings I attended regularly. For a stretch we got into Joseph Campbell and while there was a decent Buddhist ethic to the group I started to understand through symbols how most religions are kinda saying the same stuff. Yes, there are huge differences in World Regions for how faith operates and people approach divinity…..I have come to understand these as Individual Presentations of That Which Is Whole. Everyone exists as individuals (small i)…..but we all aspire to belong to a larger group – family, religion, sports franchise fanaticism, political party…..whatever, all of it brings inclusion (except when another team visits from out of town).

So I have an ego and it likes to order the world in a way that is ME Yummy (Mark’s Ego Yummy). ME Yummy might not be your yummy…..and it can be a problem for me. For fucking eons this has been a problem, WTF! The thing is, individual (small i) ego drives regularly fuck things up…..letting go of the self (ego) to serve a greater sphere of your tribe makes you more Individual (large I). The ultimate letting go of your self inside an Individual Sphere comes with parenthood, most people will make great sacrifices for their children, here we encounter the indivisible…..

Experiencing yourself as an indivisible is basic…..we are wired for it. Even though some of us have faulty wiring, the example of a parent doing anything for their child is Universal. To be separated (or divided) from your child is excruciating, like a part of yourself is cut away only for many the death of a child can hollow out your center and leave you irrevocably broken….. Most of us have seen this and in my experience many are tortured by the thought of this, for many, no calamity looms larger on the horizon than the loss of a child.

Now, circling back to #1:

“We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive.”

When humanity survives – our children survive, (I may have 1 or 2 floating around that I don’t know about) this again is basic, but our tendency to operate within our own little spheres often prevents us from being:

(large I) :)

Condensing #1 for me and accounting for the coupling of Science and Spirituality has rendered a 13 word single sentence of Dogma that among other things, aims to put itself out of business:

I Am, Like Everyone, An Individual Indivisible Presentation Of That Which Is Whole.

You might wonder about punctuation, (I can be a little freestyle) there is no comma between Individual and Indivisible….. These are not adjectives – this is you…..Whole.

Okay, Okay, Okay……can we all agree that I am saying nothing new here, maybe just packaging things a little differently?

Good, please remember that this is basically all Einstein’s fault. In this last section things are going to get pretty out there, my sense of myself at present is stable, but I understand many reading this will doubt my sanity…..it’s okay, I am at the point where I doubt the sanity of our species. Also, I am putting quite a bit of personal information into this post – I think the background is important. Discussing the flaws in the world around us without addressing my shortcomings would seem sorta unspectacular. I am around 180 degrees off professional writing, that my Indivisible mostly tracks straight is kinda impressive, at least, I have always thought so.

The Indivisible forms with the Individual – both by nature also override the other (two opposing ideas and all that). Individual religions and Individual branches of science can easily be seen as out for themselves at times. The same can’t quite be said for the Indivisible and this is where things get interesting.

In recent years I have come to think of the 13 words as a form of spiritual autism and I really only just noticed that Spiritual Autism is an actual thing where people sense a spiritual depth in Autistics. My take on it is different but similar at the same time.

When I say spiritual autism I liken it to a child in my care that is really, really into Dora (the Explorer). They might say Dora, Dora, Dora, Dora twenty times in the first 90 seconds when I enter their room. When I encounter a kid like this, I have to stop and talk to them about Dora and Diego…..the option to carry on about my work as an adult / health care professional on behalf of the hospital and the institutions of medicine and allied health grinds to a complete halt. This little autistic kid, through sheer insistence overrides me…..it’s kinda brilliant.

Overriding various Individual religions, branches of science (including political or economic) means shutting up administrators. I will get around to administrators specifically in another post, for now let me just say they will calm down where Indivisibility is concerned. Use the 13 words, say them over and over again like you are sorta autistic…..it may not seem charming at first, check your insistence…..you have to stick with this stuff.

I Am, Like Everyone, An Individual Indivisible Presentation Of That Which Is Whole.

Maybe you have 8, 10 or 12 words you prefer using rather than the thirteen…..I’m fine with almost anything else, just as long as the single sentence is ready to put itself outta business at any time. Actually, if you think about it, the first two words “I Am” are all you will need eventually as far as words go. Just say “I Am” – or whatever – whenever anyone starts into their whole Individual marketing platform…..they gotta catch on to the limits of their perspectives some time.

While we have a whiff of health care up, let me just say how hilarious I find it when highly educated people regurgitate the belief that science is going to deliver the species somewhere interesting. Science and Technology do benefit our species…..to a point, on the other hand they will probably fuck up the planet before everyone gets a spaceship built. Ultimately we will have to benefit ourselves and our environment in the broadest terms possible for any real change to happen. Good old regular health care is already priced beyond the average citizen in a lot of “developed” nations, people who insist on deliverance by science should maybe take a look in the mirror and ask themselves if being thought of as 21st Century Nazis is really where they see this marketing taking them. Seriously, dial back the techno-master-monied racy shit…..you are gonna get in trouble.

At the terminal ends of sciences like mathematics and physics you hear stuff like “the more we know, the more we realize we don’t know…..it’s like someone is fucking with us” (okay, I’m making that last bit up). Gifted scientists like Einstein talk God, they wonder about the implications of their research and how the subsequent technologies will be used. Atheists are partially right…..there is no God…..considering our highly divided species and universe that results…..if you were God would you hang out here? Like I said in the beginning, I am not really interested in beliefs. I would rather know. At the moment I am still imagining I know.

I know, I know, I know…..this almost never works out for crazy people.

For now, I think it is within reason to agree that our species has been painting itself into a corner, except some might think it was needed before a good leap could take place. If you are stuck on your particular Individual club somehow coming out on top, I have some bad news:

Imagination is more important than knowledge

Everyone can believe or know that destiny is in their corner. Technological Superiority, Divinity Inc or some other ego bound concept may work for you…..whatever realities you choose are completely fine with me…..unless they aren’t very interesting, then I am going to imagine something that works across various boundaries. Around a hundred years ago the Wright brothers achieved flight, most people in that era saw guys falling off buildings with feathers glued to them and thought “Weirdos”…..now hardly anyone thinks twice about having breakfast on one continent and supper on another.

No Thing Or Being Stands Apart From Your Indivisible

This is the concept of flight that many have yet to embrace today…..be on another continent, be on another plane of existence, in another universe, belittle time when it suits you. Basically just do whatever the fuck you feel like doing…..provided your nonsense is sustainable. Non-sustainable nonsense disguised as sensibility always feels better about itself after it comes out of the closet.

If one of us makes it we all make it. All of us make it or one of us makes it. I know there is a slight difference between these two sentences, but I like the second one a little better when I think as an individual…..if you think about it, Indivisibility is the ultimate safety in numbers strategy.

Let’s back up for a second and imagine you are a branch of science nicely entwined with business interests or you are a religion. You have well established territories and an elaborately crafted marketing message…..people think they need you. In the upper levels of your organization administrators busy themselves with maintaining the enterprise’s relevance or market share. Perhaps this stuff has been going on for a long time, strong organizations might have 2 or 3 billion followers…..

Our planet holds a little over 7 billion people…..

Congratulations, you aren’t quite half-assed…..this is why you can only represent Individually. To approach That Which Is Whole…..your Indivisible comes in handy. I understand those sensing a spiritual duality will likely see my Indivisible as a Do It Yourself Holy Spirit…..I don’t mind where you see divisions as long as these divisions can be seen as temporary. Whether you hold yourself apart from God or not…..we all relate to TWIW.

What rips you about Indivisibility is that you can no longer separate yourself from anyone or anything…..remember how Megalomania is a manic defense against separation anxiety? On the one hand it is great for the whole “everybody makes it” ethic. On the other, you own everything, no more blaming everybody else unless you can see the offenses within yourself. Individuals don’t do this, they keep their organization pitted against other organizations, members are usually assembled by fear…..”we must conquer or be conquered” is a regular war cry.

An Indivisible sees the problem and solution within themselves. Are the Chinese World polluting assholes? Yes…..and so am I.

Most of this stuff tumbled out of my head 25 years ago, I have been rolling it around since to see where it is flawed…..and it holds up pretty well. I have also taken it for a spin as an individual to test things out and I still haven’t figured out what kind of shit this has landed me in, but I kinda like not knowing…..for now. It has been an interesting quarter century.

Before the book Conversations With God came along I was rolling the 13 words around and imagining….. everything. Being unbound by reason allows a terrible freedom. I would not be diagnosed as Bipolar until into my mid thirties, but then in my early twenties I had some ratcheting thoughts making me less and less interested in “God” and more and more interested in the realization of the species and what steps could take us there. Thinking in terms of That Which Is Whole seemed a better fit for a mathematical and spiritual representation. 50 trillion cells in the human body – a universe within us and we are the blueprint for the universe beyond (or what we currently view as beyond us). When into the trillions, numbers begin to lose meaning….. TWIW – pronounced like a toddler says three is the space where alignment with all beings takes place…..

The problem with people who talk God is that a lot of them wouldn’t know God if she were licking their genitals…..I probably wouldn’t. Relax, in case you haven’t noticed I am not really into taking myself that seriously, my offensiveness will make perfect sense in a little while. Somewhere along the line everybody agreed God was “unknowable” and let’s face it…..this gives massive cover for “experts” conniving and greatly distances us from Knowing. When considering Conversations with God or any beliefs that emphasize one’s interior texture, my individual always thinks it is cool. My Indivisible just thinks landing on God is more straight forward when you release individual or Individual ideas of God and accept yourself as Indivisible from That Which Is Whole. From what I can tell, many experience it in some ways…..it just hasn’t spread decently through the species yet. (my Indivisible would like to pitch in a bit).

One thing to add here, it is my Indivisible or your Indivisible or her Indivisible or his Indivisible. Saying our Indivisible has a diluting effect and might eventually lead to Organized Indivisibility….. even I’m not this fucking stupid. Your individual and Indivisible are similar, as are various Individual and indivisible spheres of being. In a certain way we form That Which Is Whole, but the result can be quite a lot more than the sum of our parts. On the other hand I like to think of us as made in God’s imagination (not just image) and so there may be dimensions to us that were thrown in to make us better than our originator…..it is what many of us want for our children as they go out in to the world, that they have gifts and advantages we never had.

I am fine with a fluctuating power differential for Humans and God…..or an interesting dynamic within TWIW, maybe a little non-duality duality thing, but for now I don’t give a shit. This should get clearer as you develop your Indivisible, no division between you and Everything…..you know, use your judgement.

One last point, God is an ideal most people hold in their being or push away from themselves in different ways. That Which Is Whole is what you get when we collectively experience……. everything. I would like to say TWIW is the reality of, or the realization of God, but I have a feeling things will get kinda unreal at this point. I also am happy NOT knowing……when its time to know – lets…..just develop your Indivisibles some.

One of the most difficult things to adjust to with the course I have taken is how my language has basically become convoluted…..I don’t make sense (in the regular sense) much of the time – it has taken some getting used to. Sounding weird and unrestrained by reason to people around me is an obstacle I have learned to get around with humor and mostly patience. Anyone can see my writing is pretty scruffy…..thanks to everyone who has been sticking it out, even right on through the bizarre. This pressure a lot of us experience for sensing everything beyond ourselves can be pretty intense…..I have had it kicking my ass most of my life. Here I am tugging back at it – gaining balance, not to ego up my individual, even though, let’s face it…..I am kind of a gifted asshole. My tug has to dovetail with millions / billions of tugs or I am just another divided being, I don’t like my odds on the one hand, but on the other hand I kind of think when a goof like me starts making some progress towards Indivisibility then anyone can handle the basics and before long it will be taken further than any of us can presently imagine.

So it is summer, 1988 and I am doing this swirl of consciousness as an individual and beginning to sense my Indivisible, basically I’m all over the place spiritually and I sort of think this is how it should be. I have grown up within the Individual of Christianity…..my Catholic is nowhere near good, I am basically drifting, but purposefully drifting.

I’m getting a massage one afternoon and my masseuse is telling me she is sure she was Judas Iscariot in a past life (I’m not kidding). She gives one hell of a massage and we decide we should go see The Last Temptation Of Christ that evening. When considering movies like Taxi Driver and Goodfellas, Ridicu always says he would like antipsychotics more if Big Pharma named one Scorsese.

I like the movie, it is juicier because my date is highly invested in it and when I walk her home I also get to talk her down. Our goodnight at her door is awkward, she assures me she is okay, so I leave her and don’t look back…..

A couple of Months later I tumble into three straight days of meditating with short breaks for nourishment and toilet visits. This guy Bruce, who taught me meditation strongly cautioned against prolonged meditations…..”this stuff can make you crazy if you do it too much” he also said, “if you are seeking your Guru just look in the mirror and spell G-U-R-U over and over.” A guy like me can really have a fucking field day with mixed messages…..what can I say? As the hours tick by we keep descending into darkness and things come for you in the darkness. Panic, pain and unbearable sorrow came drifting out of this well of evil I sensed beneath my consciousness and after a while enduring it seemed kinda fun. Ridicu decided to call all evil towards us…..I guess he figured if Willem Dafoe could do it so could we.

I prefer to hold spirituality lightly, without a religious context, but when I use stories to shape meaning the ones I reach for are usually Christian…..they are what I was raised with. I have little or no preference for various religions, I see their structures collapsing eventually, but much of their history will remain and be celebrated. I have come to think in terms of reliable and unreliable now, instead of good and evil and of course I see reliability in all beings…..when they aren’t off-balance and then unreliable.

The awareness I have around diminished mental health increasing the vibrancy and depth of these stories has a core that escapes me. “How the fuck should I know?” is the best answer I have sometimes. Rest, physical work, medications and humor allows me distance from spiritual stories where I can function better in the “real world”, but these stories, this sense that I am / was a part of many of them never leaves me. Sometimes I consider the “stories” and the grandiosity of it all a blanket comforting me against the chill of certain hollow realities, rather than the unfortunate departure from reality that some people around me observe. I don’t imagine myself standing on a milk crate at a street corner preaching to commuters, but I’ve stopped to listen to several of these guys over the years….. same kind of pressure. I have spent a great section of my life living off-balance…..I know unreliability rather well, spotting it in others is easy – mostly I try to keep my mouth shut

Carl Jung catalogued dreams on different continents for years, it seems we all share about two thousand common dream types. Psychology and Psychiatry are fields that interest me and I make use of their science as a patient. In my career as a Nurse I have seen numerous patients die and cared for countless others who have suddenly had some trauma or life altering event. People in crisis respond to a presence around them as well as the science and technology being used to treat them or their loved ones. Sensing mysticism (Howdy Myst) in my environment happens with some regularity for me. During these times of crisis and death, I encounter this ease among all the disease…..and the ease is the most uniform of the pressures I feel, it is a privilege to sense this. So while I can apply health technology / science to treat illness in a health care setting on the one hand, I don’t really see anyone as sick on the other hand…..we all balance disease and ease differently. Disease really seems to be more about the Universe we choose not to access when we confine ourselves to narrow realities.

Dream baby…..dream big.

When I was 13 and waking up in cold sweats regularly from all kinds of terrorizing dreams I just decided one morning to stop remembering my dreams. Since then I have recalled 10 or 12 dream fragments, usually weird shit that evaporates in the first minute or two of my wakefulness. I still dream when unconscious, but I focus more on dreams/imaginings in my conscious states…..logical thinking right through to delusions and everything in-between.

Following my 3 day meditation, on the 4th day, I start off at work like any other day, but start getting distractible in the afternoon, so I knock off work early. Looking back on it later It seems that this was my first manic break, except not really…..

I was overtaken by this rush of awareness that I was the Messiah and I could defeat evil….. WOW…..nobody saw this coming? At somewhere around 10pm I am pounding on the door of this Catholic Church in downtown Vancouver and this nice fella priest listens to my situation and then *SNAP* my manic / panic is totally shut off as he explains The Ascension of Christ and that he will be on the same escalator (now going down) when returning. Basically if I was the guy…..I would know I was the guy. I have never felt such relief for being out to lunch…..oh and I don’t have to take on evil – Christ already has it in a half-Nelson or something along these lines. I was so fucking happy I hardly heard the rest of what was said.

That my mania just about stopped on a dime made perfect sense at the time, now I look back and wonder. Years later, after diagnosis, these steady swings up and down have taught me that being very up or very down corrects out slowly…..usually taking days or weeks, maybe even months. I have always felt an instability through my life. Like any morning I may wake up a blind man, but in a different house and will struggle to orient myself to new surroundings and that these types of trials always await me. I have sorta become expert at being a goof in anticipation of lots of stumbling….. ridiculous anyone? This limber stance has thinning effects for the ego along the way, but mainly a fine appreciation for variability. Freedom from taking myself seriously, while presenting lofty ideas is a having cake while eating it too sort of situation I haven’t quite mastered, winging some of this shit will likely catch up with me.

It has occurred to me that I have a sabotaging tendency where I go looking for odd situations to insert myself into….. On the one hand I do, but on the other hand it’s like all kinds of wonderfully weird warped shit just likes to cozy up at my feet. It has gotten to where my weirdo can do normal at work, but otherwise finds regular thinking far too two dimensional. Sometimes I think it would be pretty nice to have smaller sphere motivations as my main focus and forget about the larger stuff……the preserve your sanity / serenity prayer platform makes a lot of sense. I’ve tried to bundle myself into a more serene existence…..it has always seemed kind of a cop out and before long something expansive and wonderful lands at my feet.

A few months after this episode I decided being part of the institution of health care might be good for me…..structure and all that, make a difference on a smaller, more manageable scale. I had been interested in Nursing since high school, but at the time I was headed in a different direction. Classic meditation stopped being a part of my life, now I just let thoughts drift slowly away from me as I went about my day while learning to be more present. When I finally entered Nursing school, I enjoyed the learning and found this steady pressure on the wards at times – this ease among the disease. The idea that I had extra spiritual awareness and special abilities where evil was concerned never left me, but it stayed tucked away through school and the first years of my marriage.

I had a few instances where I thought “what if I have invited evil unknowingly into my heart?” Over time I saw the silliness in what had happened as just another tumble on my journey, these little instances of worrying about evil were cute. When I read Conversations with God in the mid 1990′s I thought yes! God is within each of us! Einstein and now Conversations with God remained at my bedside, reading / re-reading and contemplating.

Life was very active during all of this, my wife and I had worked in the southern US for 5 years as RNs, we traveled, bought our first big live aboard sailboat and cruised the Bahamas for a few months. My interest in spirituality was basically healthy and I was pleased that a new spiritual awareness was taking shape, the new millennium approaching seemed full of promise.

In the late 90′s we moved to Seattle and I began having more depressive swings. The dissolution of my prior few years of optimism coincided with what looked like seasonal affective disorder which began wearing at my resolve to stay active and balance my spiritual and practical pursuits. Inactivity, depression, darker and darker thoughts…..playing out World War III repeatedly in my head. Imagining “setting” the world on a “proper” course. I knew I was becoming closed, I knew I was letting EVIL take me into the darkness, oh well, you win some, you lose some. After a while I began applying my Indivisible to the situation, this was going to be a shitty stretch…..I had to accept everything about TWIW and all of the turmoil / end of the world jazz was toxic, but I decided to own it. Taking responsibility for everything is a pain in the ass, especially when you have to start deep frying whole continents and torching solar systems to work out your issues. I would rocket out of depression into a gorgeous maniac ranting just South of Vancouver at the Peace Arch Border Crossing in my underwear a few months later.

The diagnosis of Bipolar disease came as a great relief…..I thought “excellent – I’m just atomic batshit crazy, for a while there I thought I might be the Anti-Christ.” I still stayed mostly depressed for the next 5 years. Finding the right medication cocktail and eventually getting off night shift work made a big difference for better disease management. The swings my moods make don’t always have a spiritual spice, sometimes I am just blah for a few weeks, sometimes I am all zesty into a project and over do things. It sucks when my disease gets out of hand. I have always taken my medication even when the drugs or doses weren’t optimal…..getting things adjusted with a provider in a few weeks is far better than going off stuff. In my years as a Emergency Room Nurse I have found it pretty frustrating to be treating a cardiac patient in one room, a fracture patient next door, an abdominal pain case across the hall and then a psych patient off their Meds and hand-cuffed to a stretcher as well. Diabetic or hypertension patients off their medications can also be a pain in the ass, I don’t discriminate much for non-compliance…..I know other factors play a role and I am lucky to understand my factors better than most.

Am I at ease with my disease?

I’m working on it.

The problem with me is I don’t differentiate between managing my disease personally and sorting out the species while I’m at it, I know, I know, I know…..

Northern Ontario has a fuck of a lot to do with why I swear so much, growing up in different Northern communities taught me a lot about self reliance. Reliability was way easier when people looked out for each other by nature – a harsh environment – especially in winter created community…..

Newfoundland is this rugged province on the east coast of Canada, I haven’t visited it, but I became sorta fascinated by this split / half hour time zone thing they have going on. I remember watching TV and seeing scheduling for a hockey game as 8pm in Central Canada, 9pm in Atlantic Canada and then 9:30pm for Newfoundland. Almost everyone in Canada makes fun of Newfoundlanders…..Newfie jokes are common. What I found uncommon was that these guys decided to split a time zone (I have since learned that a few other places in the world do this) and that often when you meet a Newfoundlander this sense of community just wafts off them. I haven’t found any to be particularly stupid either, just very slow for making agreements – unless simple arrangements are being discussed….. they are sorta brilliantly detached from what a lot of people consider important.

One thing I struggled with for years is how to get humanity on the same page, then after a while it occurred to me that the page just needs to be blank – at least in the beginning. Most parents instinctively know that they need to check on a child / children when the house becomes quiet, especially if there were sounds of activity earlier. On a bad day a parent might find a toddler face down in a swimming pool when their instinct told them to go looking. Perhaps you discover your kid hanging from the cord controlling your blinds, the urgency sometimes doesn’t register and it takes a while to investigate. More often you discover the kids are about to trim the Irish Setter with garden shears or about to back your car out of your driveway. The point is you know when it is “too quiet” something is up and you have to figure it out…..this is knee-jerk reflex instinct that most people can completely relate to.

So how about everybody gets quiet for a few days a week? What entity would drop in to see what is going on or what awareness would crop out of humanity if we all took time together to demonstrate unity and patience for each other?

Remember this?

“A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive.”

When everyone goes quiet we stop experiencing ourselves separately – imagine this subtle roar of silence thrumming through each of us…..no separation…..That Which Is Whole anyone? This prison Einstein says we are in, if you listen for it very very quietly….. eventually “click”….. the latch to our prison door will release. Would we attract God to us or release God from our collective? I don’t really care, just as long as we can begin sensing the universe in a new way. I am sick of disease and sick of feeling confined as a species to a narrow slice of existence where so much of it is great but we only catch it once in a while because we haven’t fully opened ourselves yet.

It seems much more interesting to accept the failure of various ideologies and look beyond them not to something that could take over, but rather something to emerge out of all these misteps…..these incomplete perceptions. Will our species find a balance? I am encouraged by the fact that something like 90 % of us have the ridiculous carrot of prosperity pulled so convincingly from our grasp. Now if we could somehow skip the inevitable next big thing that everyone will grasp for and instead calmly wait until most of us “get it.” Maybe the next big thing is patience.

This stuff has been said before, I’m pretty sure. Back in the day I remember a bumper sticker that asked “What if the whole world farted at once?” Things would get very stinky indeed…..in the next decade or so most of Bangladesh’s coastline will be underwater and this will displace at least 100 million people. Nothing substantial is being done about it…..ready for stinky? On the one hand everyone can finally stop pissing and moaning about the Holocaust…..this should make World War II look like a day at the beach (just kidding Einstein). On the other hand why can’t this be someone else’s problem…..I say let the Vatican handle it, if Mother Teresa hadn’t slept her way to the top…..would there be all these Bangladeshi in the first place? (just kidding Mom).

Looking the other way has always been a relative luxury, but not this time…..100 million people? I won’t be surprised if we all just watch though, after a few weeks of TV coverage it will be back to regular programming. I live on the tip of the Florida peninsula…..I know I won’t be retiring here, but I suspect my move will happen before I require refugee status to go somewhere else. There are going to be millions of Bangladeshi falling through “cracks” in the glacial paced bureaucratic “we need an impact study” landscape. The thing worth understanding is when shit like this happens then how fucking unreliable has the structure of our species become? And how rotten are we at our core? Everyone gets that we are infected with self-interested corruption in many or all of our higher offices throughout the public and private sector. The question becomes are we going to be obedient little Germans while a fresh tribe of Nazi Elite allow practically an entire culture of our species to be swept into an ocean of refugee camps or otherwise. When this happens it should be crystal clear to everyone that the game has totally shifted from dog eat dog to Darwinism on steroids where we participate in genocides of convenience. Does evolving necessarily mean the demise for much of our species? Is our collective more like the Anti-Christ or Christ?

Decide now.

Everyone, everywhere will be as much to blame for this as the administrative puppets performing the show and those ruling them from behind the scenes. So what do you do?

Use the 13 words or an equivalent regularly. Be As Silent As Possible beginning this September, 2013 from Newfie Noon on Tuesday to Newfie Noon on Thursday (middle of the work week – oh well). To be clear I mean library quiet, not smother your baby quiet…..got a 911 call – text it maybe? Why these times and days? Because I said so, that’s why…..c’mon, throw my Megalomaniac a fucking bone here. Added bonus…..no talk shows, no cable news, no sportscasting……we may discover after a stretch that we can all do without a lot of this useless talk.

So we have the spiritual realization of our species on the one hand and massive humanitarian activism for those who aren’t so much into Divinity on the other…..have I left anyone out?

Yes, I almost forgot…..ASSHOLES. when you continue to blather away about shit when others are being silent or very quiet, please update everyone on how your renovations are coming – how many Bangladeshi refugees will you be able to house in your garage, spare bedroom or walk-in closet? Can we drop by this weekend and meet your new roomies? Don’t worry about standing out among all these silent people…..you don’t have to watch out for the quiet ones.

Opening yourself to That Which Is Whole can be less about spirit and more about solidarity among human beings if you like, maybe widening our circle of compassion only gets a 100 million of us out of prison…..who knows? Don’t get hung up that I seem hyper spiritual because on the other hand I am completely prepared to be wrong. It’s just that to figure things out I am gonna need EVERYONE to get quiet regularly for a good stretch…..if nothing happens I’ll declare myself an atheist, but at least I only conform to known reality after ruling out God in the most complete way I can imagine.

So here we are at the end of this Monster…..actually I still have a ways to blog – just not much further with this post. In this last section I have outlined:

PLAN A – 13, Quiet – Attract or Accept or Accomplish – A is for wherever your sensibility lies. This is where I find most of my “pressure” eases…..this is my Indivisible speaking to your Indivisibles – I am only in charge of speaking my truth. Incredible challenges await us this century, I am suggesting incredible (possibly ridiculous) measures. On the other hand I already know the realization of our species when I consider that time is only useful for measuring goals and goals are only handy when you see yourself separated from everything. Most of us can figure this out now, soon or later……it actually doesn’t matter.

PLAN C – Continuing the Cluster-Fuck which basically amounts to doing much the same things and expecting different results…..Einstein defined this as insanity. Wonderful things happen in parallel with the Cluster Fuck, some of the best fly in the face of convention. Another asshole with a 12 point plan is followed by another asshole with a 12 point plan and in some ways we all can’t help formulating these plans…….unless we leave some open ended. Maybe God, the Universe and many of us will stop laughing at plans that invite, rather than predict.

PLAN B – But in the MEAN TIME – this is basically the remainder of my opinion pieces from here forward, I don’t like our chances as a species without PLAN A…..since it may take a while I’ll outline smaller, but still pretty fucking grandiose ideas for the mean times to come. Feel free to chip in…..it would be cool if you mention Plan A before launching into your B plan (just kidding). A lot of refined writers don’t necessarily offer Plans when making observations. I think it has something to do with a Journalistic code where you don’t insert yourself into the story. I like intentionality…..commentary feels kinda removed to me, c’mon….. lay your ovaries / balls on the line once in a while. Your Indivisibility supersedes or overrides your Individual associations at times…..wanna come out and play?

In case a few of you are still wondering if I consider myself Jesus or the Anti-Christ or the Messiah or Hitler or a regular person or just a fucking crazy bastard? The answer to all of this is yes…..I Am, Like Everyone, An Individual Indivisible Presentation Of That Which Is Whole. What form TWIW takes is up to our collective…..maybe its time for a nap (hibernation for 20 or 30 billion years). Maybe we evolve, maybe we keep scraping by for now, while the “best” of our species positions itself to survive. Stick with your Individual spheres…..I just don’t find them very interesting.

I separate myself from no thing, from no being. I have an individual self (kind of an over thinking goof) an association within Individual – cultural, professional and gender identities. With my close family and some friends I have that indivisible protective instinct for their well being, I would die for many of them. At my Indivisible I am already kinda dead while still walking…..oh well. On the other hand my eccentricity has got me this far, let’s see if all my goofing around has kept me nimble enough to slip through some spots and delightfully defy ton of bricks dropping towards me at others. On the other, other hand I don’t really see where my Indivisible ends is the clearest way of summing up my never ending being :)

It would be nice to just hurry up and evolve. Knowing waits patiently, but I’m getting a little frisky.



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