RidicuRyder

Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment


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Gear Review : Fandango Great Loop Tank Bag

20120730-124319.jpgThe Fandango Tank Bag seen here in Florida Orange greatly increases your side visibility and with a little extra foam in the bottom, is a great pad for our iPad.

Howdy Myst,

Here at RidicuRyder we feel duty bound to provide actual useful information once in a while. Our travels so far have been scant but the ice cream stop picture above was during a 400 mile plus day,(St Pete Fl – Locust Grove Ga) which to our way of thinking makes us pretty bad (calloused) ass.

First we should mention the ice cream – Lickity Split is a World Famous Ice Cream Parlor located just east of I 75 in Bushnell, Florida (Ridicu thought it would be a good place to see about fitting telescopic sights to our slingshot). When we ordered our Banana Pudding Sundae the Counter Countess asked, “regular topping or psychic topping.” Without missing a beat “we’ll have the psychic with extra whip.” “Modifications to psychic toppings are not available” said the Countess. “What exactly is a psychic topping?” A look over her glasses at us pretty much said it all, but she added “payment first, otherwise DQ something different.” We laid down a twenty thinking this special order had to be a lot more than the $4.50 listed on the board. She handed us $15.50 back and yelled “PSYCHIC TOPPER.”

Another Countess and (one would assume) the Count stopped what they were doing and peered over the counter at us “okay dance” said the Count………”we need something to go on” added the second Countess. Ridicu didn’t hesitate, before I knew it we were busting out almost every move we had. We had barely stopped when all three cried out together “Black Raspberry.” A few minutes later we were having what can only be described as a Frozen Transcendental Experience (David Lynch and his buddies at TM can’t touch this).

“Your bike out there – Kimmie Lou,” said the Count, “would she like a squirt or two of fudge on her chain?” We were amazed at this guy’s psychic gift, nobody had ever said her name before besides us, “nah….sugar gets her all jazzy, but thanks……..you know where the Bushnell folks are at ?” “Your in the wrong Bushnell, besides, don’t cha think rifle scopes on a slingshot are kinda stupid ?” These folks hadn’t steered us wrong so far, Ridicu responded (most uncharacteristically) “I completely agree…..I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Next, this nifty little tank bag, the coolest bike accessory we have owned so far really fits Kimmie Lou’s tank without interfering with steering and it’s just bulky enough to rest an elbow on when cruising. Below, it’s custom (trauma sheared fitness mat) foam insert keeps the iPad cushy and the provided divider fits over the back end of the iPad, over this rests our mesh bag with electronics entanglement theory including a small inverter for charging stuff underway.

20120730-160355.jpg Poor light conditions make this shot ultra-realistic…..notice how you can barely make out the iPad and electronic entanglement theory mesh bag underneath Mr. Fandango (slushy in background 50/50 Banana & Raspberry).

The “Trucker’s Tarp” material used to make this bag bounce 22 slugs right off it (Long Rifle 22’s will leave a scuff). Now in all honesty we did choose the Orange for Kimmie Lou – basically she insisted, “I’M TIRED OF YOU MORON’S RIDING OFF WITH MY DISC LOCK ON – GET THE ORANGE BAG AND MAYBE THE ASSOCIATION WILL TRIGGER A BRAIN CELL OR TWO !”

20120730-170908.jpg Kimmie Lou back in Miami sporting her Orange Disc lock, notice very few stickers on her windshield ( Gear Review : Stickers – next post or two ).

A while back in Marathon we pseudo John Wayne – walked out to Kimmie Lou parked right in front of the 7 Mile Grill – almost at capacity….the breakfast patrons got a little extra pork. We did our (fairly chronic) mis-step where the disc lock stays on and we ride away (I am almost positive Ridicu never forgets, he just thinks it’s hilarious when I do). Down go the front forks and because I’m already leaning forward to take the elevated apron up to the highway, my sunglasses break as I head butt the windshield. Ever so calmly I stuff the (now 2 piece) sunglasses into my pocket while I am disconnecting the Disc Lock, “Numb Nuts” mutters Kimmie Lou who is just as embarrassed as we are (when she refers to our nuts, it’s in the crazy section – c’mon this is a family oriented blog !).

Without looking back (even sideways) at the restaurant patio – not even once,…..we hear applause as we pull out, this time with a stunning leap into the Overseas highway traffic, “they woulda felt bad if we got smucked by that van eh?” “that’s what I had in mind” Kimmie Lou’s throttle twists through a couple of gear changes – just barely satisfying the underwriters of our life insurance policy. Later Kimmie Lou jumped at Option Orange and started singing that old Sesame Street jingle :

“One of these things looks just like the other”
“Do you Goofballs know what it is ?”

“Get the Orange Fandango, sing every time you walk up to me or I’m not starting. She still makes us sing, even after that St Pete’s Psycho Pier Pelican stole the disc lock !

Now we have to say something about the extra special attention Touratech’s customers get when ordering a Fandango Tank Bag from them (our fair and balanced perspective will of course require us to malign Touratech some as well). The folks at Great Loop Moto provide seam sealant with their bags and I am confident that it is a fine product. However, those purchasing a Fandango bag through Touratech have a choice: “GLMSS” (Great Loop Moto Seam Sealant) OR Touratech’s own GS4 (Galapagos Snail Snot Stitch Sealer)……these Touratech guys dispatch a few riders down to the Galapagos every few weeks to harvest Snail Snot, NATURALLY, No Exotic Galapagos Snails are harmed in this ecologically sound enterprise. The Snails are enchanted into sneezing into tiny cups by the Touratech riders performing a rigorous dance (Touratech training is highly specialized for this and everyone signs a non-disclosure agreement….don’t even ask). Export paperwork out of the Galapagos isn’t the cakewalk it used to be, so the tube you get with your Fandango from Touratech will in fact be the GLMSS tube – however, it’s contents will be superior (wink wink) if you specify GS4 – mention RidicuRyder and they throw a little extra in the tube !

20120730-183409.jpg The kid pointing at the snail snot outside the Ingle’s in Clayton Ga was wearing an Orange Tee Shirt…..sadly kid participation for goofy exploits is on the decline, his Mom and I teased him pretty good for not wanting to be in the shot (maybe pointing at Snail Snot creeped him out).

Wikipedia discusses the Fandango “Spanish Dance” in detail……if you scroll down to the Figurative definition you see “Brilliant Exploit.” Check a few other references and you will find “a foolish act or thing” and our favorite “informal nonsense; tomfoolery.” Here is where RidicuRyder finds the commercial practices of both Touratech and Giant Loop Moto somewhat despicable. In our expert opinion any bag calling itself a Fandango has to be Vibrant, Alive, Halfway Playful, Halfway ________ ! Yeah ! We slapped down blank – think everything (minus crappy stuff). Orange doesn’t match Kimmie Lou, the first time we set it up she said “now don’t start calling me Kate Ted Moss!” She wears it…..not to keep us in check where her front disc is concerned and not even to increase our visibility to motorists (we could ride around on fire and still get run down by every second driver texting right in the middle of their facial/Swedish massage/pedicure/fore – headed prostate exam). The main reason…..basically the only reason to go Fandango is how delightfully unrestrained by reason it promises to be.

THE (ORANGE) BAG ROCKS, when current production runs are over we here at RidicuRyder implore you to discontinue any further mundane color schemes (if you really must continue doing black, brown, forest green or whatever, at least consider charging $20 extra per bag and set up a few scholarships to Clown Colleges around the globe). Orange (disc lock/no disc lock – we love it), Granny Smith Green, Hot Pink (we might stipulate as mandatory for BMW riders depending on compliance with our demands), Lemon Yellow…..you get the idea.


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The Pier

20120725-211602.jpgKimmie Lou (slipped out of her skid plate) “Basically, I’m into guys, but if I ever went automotive,….Veronica and Victoria Vette right here in Largo.”

Howdy Myst,

Weeks of cooler creekside camping are the plan……just as soon as we make it to Tennessee. We have stayed over a couple of extra days in the St Pete’s area for several reasons. Kimmie Lou wasn’t herself – idling rough – stalling ……typical gulf shores alcohol poisoning, stay out of the sun, stay better hydrated and only short fun rides for the next few days was the prescription from the guys at St Pete Powersports. “Take her down to the pier for some nice salt air” suggested Sailor/Biker Jeff , but don’t let her belly up to Johnny Reno’s bar” cautioned Matt, “yeah – keep her air filter dried out for awhile” pleaded Dave & Troy.

“It kinda freaks me out how nice people are here” says Ridicu as we are riding east towards Tampa Bay. “Get used to it, we’ll be hanging out with all kinds of Authentic Southern Hospitable types for around a month or so” I say. “Far out” we are getting close to downtown and we start curving around mirror lake, we both see opportunity after opportunity to straighten off to a regular street but we just keep going round and round. “You know, this little lake isn’t the waterfront.” “yeah” I say, “I’m going to veer off up here and keep going east…..and you know what else?” “What?” “There is italic wording when you speak and I have regular type so at this point we can drop” – Ridicu says or I reply. “So less typing?” “Definately!” “Awesome!” “Wow, check this cool place out for ice cream.” “WE RIDE TO THE PIER, IF THERE IS ICE CREAM THERE, YOU MORONS CAN HAVE SOME” shouts Kimmie Lou, so we keep going “first fresh salt air for our girl.” Kimmie Lou’s a little greener with all the laps around the Lake and the hangover probably doesn’t help, “right, to the Pier then.”

,

20120725-220831.jpg ssSeila ssScoota (chicks with lisps are the cutest) “Fowget ice scweam, it’s bike night, howa bout a gwoopa sssamich an a Cowona?”

We wander around the Pier, a few bikes start parking around the promenade, a band is setting up in front of Johnny Reno’s. We decide this looks good, “let’s get Kimmie Lou parked over with these sport rockettes.” The walk back along the North side of the Pier’s causeway turns into a run when we realize Sheila is all by herself ! When she sees the look on our faces she laughs and says “it’s okay, Kimmie Lou’s ova thewre chattin up Mawgawita. Somehow Kimmie Lou has got across the curbed causeway and does seem engaged with a very large Margarita.

20120726-194646.jpg “I just love your color! – a little more salt on your rim and I would just drink you right down!” Margarita laughs that Exotic German Insect laugh, “ah Frauline you are so delightfully green…….so Kawasaki Green !”

Kimmie Lou has always had a thing for ragtops and we chat for a little while, Margarita hangs out in Tennessee sometimes. “You must do ze Tail of ze Dragon,” Margarita burbles – “it’s exhilarating!” After wrapping things up with Margarita and Sheila we are out to the water’s edge. Kimmie Lou settles in with some sport bikes who are a little snotty at first then liven up when she starts to talk Tail of the Dragon.

20120726-213416.jpg ” A gazillion curves, varied elevations, reducing radius turns……..yeah, yeah – probably very therapeutic in a crap your pants kinda way!

“We did put Kimmie Lou’s disc lock on back there right?” The Corona is cold, the Grouper is blackened but something just isn’t right. “Yeah, I’m thinking that Sheila Scooter was pretty shifty.” Another swallow of grouper sandwich, “and…eh..what about the Pelicans?” “They’re watching us.” We casually look around the restaurant, nobody is looking at us so we probably have not been moving our lips but from where we are sitting at the bar we can make eye contact with at least 5 Pelicans sitting around the edge of the pier. “Is Kimmie Lou in on it?” my gut wrenches at the thought. “Nah, she’s got a little extra freak on right now, but nothing shady.” We pay the check and decide to get back to the ranch.

Riding back out of Downtown St Petersberg, Kimmie Lou says “hey let’s get a picture at the lake, it’s where it all began.” “What began?” we both say. “The slip” she says, didn’t you feel it?” Now that she mentions it we can sense that something did change on our circles and more circles of this calm Mirror lake.

.

20120726-231413.jpg

Erie place – feels like some energy exists,” Yeah, there’s this thrum.” We look around to see if some transformer is buzzing nearby, nothing seems amiss. “Let’s just watch things for a day or two and we’ll decide on Saturday – agreed?” Everyone agrees, “let’s put a few hundred miles between us and this place.”

“Kimmie Lou, what about the disc lock?” “The Pelican….the really grey older one flew off with it.” “Is it starting again….like the other times?” Kimmie Lou chuckles that won’t start without the choke chuckle, “BTSOM.” Our eyes cross briefly – Ridicu and I glance at each other, another chuckle…..” Beats The Split Outta Me.”


5 Comments

Kimmie Lou

20120722-065104.jpg
Kimmie Lou teasing alligators along alligator alley “Hey Gator Baby….wanna chunk of my shiny new Ortlieb Quick Release Bags ? Mmmm, tastes just like dark meat chicken !”

Howdy Myst,

We made it out of Miami! Kimmie Lou got a little work done in St Petersburg, “what the heck is a doohickey” said the service manager as we laid a bag of parts on the counter. Ridicu took over saying “it’s one of these here thingy-kabobs that keeps tension on Kimmie Lou’s leash”…”chain” I added quickly. It’s a stronger cam and springs from Eagle Mike to replace the lighter stuff Kawasaki put in the 2008 (Parts apparently beefed up from 2009 onward). Then I went on to mention Happy Trails and KLR 650.net ……the service guy’s eyes widened a bit (Oh, it’s one of these Thumper Cult Characters, he was probably thinking).

“Well, I can see you are on a trip so we’ll get rid of you….ah……I mean, get you on your way as soon as possible” he said. “Thanks, we really appreciate it” replied Ridicu. The service guy’s eyes quickly darted around the vicinity to see who else was with us – there was no one for miles, “OK then, give us a call tomorrow, we’ll do our best to have her ready by the end of the day.”

Whew! He took the “we” to mean me and Kimmie Lou, “wow – thanks” I said and bolted for the door, as it was closing behind me I looked back and added “call you tomorrow.”“Really nice folks over here on the west coast eh ?” said Ridicu, adding “we should say something in our blog about the great service and attention at St Pete Power Sports.”“Maybe” I replied ” but only after we are out of town.”

A quick note on our previous post feedback

We had to delete practically all the comments that came in responding to our last post because of extreme language and generally foul observations. We only selected one person’s comment for attachment to Contraption Attachment Disorder as he had the good manners to send two comments in (even though his comments were a little edgy, Ridicu and I did have to acknowledge his acknowledgement for both of us). The following is our On The Record Reply:

We really appreciate you submitting two comments, it’s really nice when someone is sensitive to dual personalities. Here at RidicuRyder we were astounded by all the aggravated viewers calling in concerns similar to yours for a couple of days after releasing our post. Now that our switchboards have finally cooled off, we would like to set the record straight.

First, we must firmly state that Kimmie Lou is proud of her Asian heritage, she only sasses up her Japanese accent for fun (your abortion reference was poorly recieved but she eventually saw you were just kidding after we cleaned her air filter with Bombay Sapphire and tonic 6 or 7 times). Next we would like to emphasize that we are as (if not more) challenged by Mental Health issues than all of you who remained sleepless for days after publication. We will be undergoing rigorous Moto-Therapy for weeks prescribed for us by a renowned Buddhist Biker / Wedding Photographer who never brings film (and won’t go digital) – we just hope to make it out in two images.

By far the most strenuous objection raised by the post was “How can a woman give birth to a motorcycle?”

A little known Obstetrical loophole exists for women who desire “off the grid” pregnancies and before we go any further we must, as Health Care Professionals, insist that anyone breathing – at this moment, immeadiately consult a physician. Furthermore, it is agreed by anyone reading on, that methods outlined are of an artistic, non-reliable yet highly provocative nature and are only undertaken after whatever magic 8 ball decision-making protocols you prefer are peeled out.

If a woman times the conception of her child so that a full moon rises on the last day of her first trimester…..and she dances with total abandon but precise steps (Irish Jigs generally work best) at midnight, she can request a species switch for her fetus. Really good dancers (like Kimmie Lou’s Mom) can even ask to give rise to a machine. Now it must be stressed that this isn’t for the faint-hearted….once a request is made, irreversible consequences are set into motion. When Kimmie Lou’s Mom said “2008 Kawasaki KLR 650” she knew that the Corked Stork may have replied “Vespa” and that was what she would have been stuck with. This stuff isn’t dreamy-doll time……request a cuddly Koala and the reply might be “Aardvark” – just so everybody knows what they are in for.

After Kimmie Lou’s Mom did her spectacular dance and was granted her wish, she said goodbye to her friends, family and Lover Lou (who?) so that she could journey to the Himilayas. After a few days of trekking, the excruciating transformation began. One morning Kimmie Lou’s Mom awoke in a cave without the pain that had been with her for weeks…..she stood up a tall 17 7/8 feet as a fully formed Yeti capable of delivering a full size dual sport motorcycle.

Yeti-ma (as she likes to be called) has never looked back, she likes her new life and is content to live out her years nibbling on the occasional Mountaineer and refining her language skills (we Nepal-exed her Rosetta Stone Swahili a while back and it has been keeping her pretty busy).

Hope this clears things up,
RidicuRyder


20 Comments

Contraption Attachment Disorder

20120715-173056.jpg

Howdy Myst,

My Kawasaki KLR 650 sometimes gets a little jealous of my sailboat, so I promised to ride her around the Smokies this summer….we both need a break from Miami. I got Kimmie Lou off a Broward car lot a few years ago, she was a repo, only had 3,200 miles and told me her Asian Mama was a back-up singer for a big artist named Lou…..who “had a dark side”. We got to talking for a while and eventually narrowed her paternity down to Lou Reed or Lou Rawls. Now I know that KLR probably stands for something like “Kawasaki Long Range” or whatever,(seriously I don’t want to know what every one else thinks) to me she’s just Kimmie Lou Rawls/Reed.

Kimmie Lou was sporty from the start, I threw a leg over her and she sassed up her Japanese accent and said “nice nuts round-eye, wanna take me for a spin?” The car salesman had been watching me for awhile and brought out her key once I took a seat, he said “looks like you two have got aquatinted.” I got a little self conscious thinking maybe they saw me chatting away and laughing to myself (sometimes my lips do start moving, even when I’m having secret conversations). The ride was only a few blocks, when I turned back for the car lot Kimmie Lou said “who’s your friend?” “Later” I said. The salesman knew I was leaving with the bike when he brought me the key, he was a good sport about pretending I was in some position to negotiate. “They will take less” Kimmie Lou kept protesting as we went through the motions of haggling. When we started the paperwork she said “ooh big spenda, how bout get Kimmie Lou synthetic oil change?”

Fort Lauderdale is 20 miles North of where I live and it took me half the distance back to explain “my friend” to Kimmie Lou. “Ha ha ha ha – you mean I am a nice Dual Purpose Bike for nice fella with Dual Personalities?” “Something like that, yes” I said. “Yippi” she said “I get two guys to ride around with, I know what regular name is for paperwork……what you call each other?” Well, I”m Ryder” I said …..“and I’m Ridicu, nice to meet you Kimmie Lou”.. “Tee he he” laughed Kimmie Lou “you da funny one – kinda mischievous too right?” “At times” Ridicu tightened our thighs, wiggled into the saddle and swayed back and forth a handful of times in our lane for around a 1/4 mile. We all laughed till we got bored and straightened back out.

Ridicu doesn’t fit the split personality criteria quite like you would expect……he says we’re partially fused so we can easily talk to each other (most of the time). There are things each of us do without the other knowing (I have been married for about 20 years and Ridicu only caught on at the millennium). We don’t really hide things from each other, we just sometimes allow the other to figure stuff out at their own pace. When we directly ask a question, the answer is plainly given, it’s one of our rules. We don’t get into anything outrageous when the other isn’t looking, mostly it is just playful stuff we laugh about later.

HW – Honorable Wife or Horrible Woman as Ridicu likes to tease, knows we are going to blog about our trip, she just doesn’t want to be mentioned, so there will be little else said in the marital department.

To keep Ridicu happy we put his name first in the blog, if it were up to me we would be RyderRidicu since I do most of the logistical and higher functioning stuff. Ridicu pitches in – he just goofs around too much to be all that productive – mostly he makes up for things with entertainment value. For example : he has this thing where I am always stuck with 17 7/8 “Angles of Ridicu”, he calls them, I never know exactly what they are because he swaps out at least a couple every night while I am sleeping. Every morning I wake up and know he has rearranged the furniture somewhat, often I can’t quite put my finger on it until I trip over something. One of our most consistent Angles of Ridicu is we have been aloft on 2 wheels for almost 40 years and most of it has been in shorts, tee shirts and sandals. Now I know that may just seem stupid or irresponsible to most of you out there, but you really have to couple it with another Angle……16 of our past 20 years as a RN have been in the Emergency Room.