“Just another day at the office” moans Kimmie Lou. Locust Grove High School Cheerleaders – second place in three regional competitions last year. Squad coach Madame P says “we are in sleeper-mode…..our sights are set on gold at the 2014 World Cheer Championships in Tuktoyaktuk.”
Howdy Myst, (Edited Version Available 2020)
We wake up the next morning, mostly back to our usual, unusual selves. Gluttony challenges our waistline, but does wonders in stabilizing the old slippery psyche. Our day’s Moto-Photo-Journalistic agenda seems daunting…..Kimmie Lou is still quite bloated from all the sodium and the local convenience store clerk suggests a Lake shoot complete with directions right out of a Stephen King novel.
“It sounds like the lake might be a ways out of town.” Kimmie Lou complains “I want picture in groovy Locust Grove.” We are approaching a treed corner that might work, “let’s ask these youngsters if the lake is in town.” “No sir, the lake is over by Jackson” says a polite Cheerleader, “does your bike need a wash?” A brilliant plan is taking shape, “no, but perhaps we could contribute to your fundraising and a few of you could pose with our bike for a picture.” Ridicu packed full of chow sounds almost normal. “Sure, if it’s okay with Madame P” the young lady turns her head and nods towards a canopy where two dazzling beauties sit untouched by the sun.
We park across the side street and walk slowly towards the canopy and these two radiant educators, “were teachers this attractive when we went to high school?” A few steps closer “no, just try to stay cool.” [The reader is spared our awkward, high-hormonal-pitched ramblings and pimply-faced contortions as we fail miserably at being anywhere near cool with these Stunning Southern Women]. Another car gets washed, then it’s our turn, the girls come over and gather around Kimmie Lou, Ridicu quietly repeating “get the teachers in the shot, get the teachers in the shot…..ask them to come over, ask them to come over!”
“Hey Morons, take the picture”….”ya Morons, take picture” says Kimmie Lou. Then it registers – one of these smiling teenagers has telepathic communications capabilities! Then, together as a ultra-low frequency cheer – “WE ALL DO, MORONS !” Kimmie Lou laughing, “bring home da gold girls!”