Cupid’s Falls – most of what happened here after our re-entry into earth’s atmosphere will remain classified (it’s all pretty hazy anyway). Kimmie Lou’s account is patched together with our meager recollections…..our apologies to our readers for any inaccuracies.
Howdy Myst, (Edited Version Available 2020)
As most of you can imagine our re-entry angle was off, we came in too fast, almost everything that could go wrong did and all the enmeshed Peachoplasm cooked right into us as we burned our way back through the earth’s atmosphere. If it wasn’t for Misty Mountain Lion we would still be a steaming, chain-linked cobbler oozing and bubbling in that crater we punched into the creekbed. “Now don’t worry Kimmie Lou” said Misty, “I’ll have these boys cleaned up in a few hours.” Apparently this kind of thing happened all the time in these parts, Misty could tell by the hue of the night sky that someone nearby was about to blast off.
Misty rolled us upstream to the waterfall and started licking us clean. Now, most of you know how rough a cat’s tongue is, but a Mountain Lion the size of a Greyhound bus has it’s own CATegory. Imagine you are standing in the discharge of a wood-chipper while 7 Angry Dwarves are feeding it branches of Oak, Mahogany, Teak and Walnut (“That Walnut really stung!”). Kimmie Lou would say things from the bank like “settle down you big babies!” when our screams really got loud. It almost goes without saying…..the thing about Ridicu is – he feels everything twice as much as anyone else.
At dawn we were just about back in our regular skin, the taste in our mouth was right in between peaches and the sands of time. Misty pawed us up onto the grass beside Kimmie Lou and told us we should wait another couple of hours before trying to stand up (the space vertigo was still pretty bad). Of course Ridicu tried sitting us up and we immediately swayed right into Kimmie Lou’s front wheel. We were clinging to her fork leg with our eyes shut tight trying to make the spinning stop when Misty said, “maybe you need a little more washing.” “NO !” Then we added, “thanks – we’ll just lay still for a couple of hours like you said” and lowered our head back onto the grass.
“Thanks Misty” said Kimmie Lou, “I’ll make sure the wobbles are gone before letting them start me up.” “Well, I’m off then – take care of each other!” Misty leaped over the creek and was gone before any of us could say anything else. “So spill it Morons….what the hell was that thing you turned into?” “That was our Megalomaniac…..” “You mean like your OOGLA BOOGLIAC ?” replied Kimmie Lou. How did she know about OOGLA BOOGLIACS ? “What did you and Misty get to talking about while we were gone?” “She said you two would be even weirder for the next little stretch and I would have to keep an eye on you.” “Anything else?” Barely audible, “Stinkless said I should be nice to you for a while….she walked us over here from the tennis courts.”
We all said nice things to each other for around an hour, then “how do you know about OOGLA BOOGLIACS ?” “Around a year ago, we were out on Miami Beach, at that German place on Lincoln Road…..remember?” It took a moment or two for us to recall our lunch – was it Bratwurst? “Okay, what about the German place?” “Well, you had me parked beside a couple of BMWs and I heard them talking about Shitler.” “Who is Shitler?” “I dunno, some OOGLA BOOGLIAC who made things really awkward for Germans for a while.” Then I had it “okay Kimmie Lou….first of all, those Beemers were snarffling Schnitzel – they were talking about Hitler and putting S s in front of almost everything”(typical K bikes – eating so fast!). “Yeah and guys like Hitler and Charlie Manson give Megalomaniacs a bad name, they aren’t even legitimate Megalomaniacs.”
After discussing various OOGLA BOOGLIACS, we had summed things up. Kimmie Lou said, “so there are three weight classes of Megalomaniacs, Middleweights – sort of like you……Heavyweights ” “Except there is really only one HEAVYWEIGHT,” I interrupted.“But we have everyone beat on reach by at least a Galaxy.” I squeezed in on our temples until we saw stars, “stop saying stuff like that….it never ends well when we get too cocky.” Kimmie Lou pressed on, “then there are all the lightweights, but they don’t even really count as Megalomaniacs……can you run this by me again?”
We were finally able to sit up and we turned to face Kimmie Lou “okay, think about it….a Megalomaniac can’t really be a Megalomaniac if it is a lightweight.” “Then, on top of everything, lightweights just take themselves too seriously – remember what we said about thirds?” “You mean how you can really be right if you have to be right, but only 1/3 of the time and that lightweights are trying too hard to be “heavy” rather than lightening everybody up?” “Exactly ! …..unless you are in the southern hemisphere – then everything swirls the other way.” Kimmie Lou laughed “Ridicu, I am beginning to see the wise in your weird!”
Then we all laughed for a while as Ridicu cracked off more goof, saying all sorts of crap like:“everything is, unless it isn’t!” Eventually Kimmie Lou got serious again, “so how many middleweights are there again?” “Everybody is a Middleweight…..unless they take themselves too seriously and slip back into one of the lightweight types – of which there are 4 :
– OOGLA BOOGLIACS become adept at scare tactics and domination…..Shitler was well known for the whole homo-erotic / domination thing.
– REGUDAISIACS are your standard “we know best” types…..the guy who flares righteous after a six pack in the Rec room on Saturday night. “ “Then, there’s the gal who makes a stink at a friends wedding about crappy appetizers or tacky Bridesmaids dresses.” “Yeah, these folks also often feel a compulsion to control their kids.”
– “GOODYTWOSHOESIACS are the…” “Yeah, I got this one” interrupted Kimmie Lou.
– COMBINIACS are just lightweights who get together with other lightweights who have common interests and perspectives …..safety in numbers types who eventually learn how to gang up on opponents.”
“So….you have been learning to take yourself less and less seriously in order to move up a weight class?” asked Kimmie Lou. “Sort of – we have done a lot of the lightweight stuff and recognize the inherent limitations…..plus, it is way more fun to change gears and keep the universe guessing!” We had just straddled Kimmie Lou and stiffened up – the odometer now read 13 7/8! Kimmie Lou understood our shock at seeing the trip odometer rolling backwards “we are on Mystical Muffin Munching Miles now Morons…..those 4 girls shaved off the first 4.”
The ride back to Chatuge was surreal, like time had digested our tire pressure and we were floating along. Once we had broke camp and had Kimmie Lou all packed up we asked her “what now?” She looked us square in the eye and said, ” it’s time boys….we ride into the Lair of the Dragon.”