RidicuRyder

Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment


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Easy Going

20121213-055250.jpg Kimmie Lou, “I don’t mind kicking Giant Alligator Ass or Whatever, but this 9,600 mile (12,000 Km) Land Devil’s Triangle Run has sorta drained da battery…….if you know what I mean.”

Howdy Myst,

Ridicu would like to make it clear from the outset of this post……..“We Are Not Being Reasonable.”

Our band of merry travelers has developed a somewhat easy going nature – beginning to evolve mellows you out somehow………..and 7 characters riding Kimmie Lou for a few months have learned to get along (sheer necessity). Some family and friends reading the blog have begun to wonder if now might be a good time to have an “intermission” for the Blog, with the holidays and everything.

Taking a break from further posting for a wee bit may also allow our current readers a chance to review old posts…..who knows, perhaps a little “Da vinci Code” thing might happen. For those of you new to our blog, we must urge you to begin with our Ride Along Reader’s Guide at post #30, then start our story at the beginning with Contraption Attachment Disorder – our first post in July. Our story (so far) will take you a few hours to read and you will probably need to do it in a few sittings. A suggestion to reformat the text and spread out the dialog is being considered, but for now we will continue to make it tough on all of you (builds character).

Our friends in China and other associated World Polluters may be wondering ” what about us…….do we still have to pay the Quadrillion dollar fine for littering?” Yes, you do. We are willing to relax the deadline somewhat……..shall we say the Ides of March? Do proceed with your withdrawal from Tibet……….get in the Christmas spirit – give a little.


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Humans/God

20121205-210355.jpg Your Basic Cuddly Carnivore in Nelson, BC after an August weekend at The Western Canada Horizons Unlimited Riders Meeting in Nakusp. From here our Blog may be out of time order (we are already 3 months behind in case you haven’t noticed). We may also be posting mostly photos and less narrative. As I have been shifting a lot between We and I or Meg and M or my Individual and Our Indivisible…….the posts are becoming less blended (whatever that means). I will be doing most of this one. Kimmie Lou, Ridicu and Ryder are not retired, they are just dropping back a bit for now, they have been excellent companions and will continue being invaluable in storytelling.

Howdy Myst,

Carl Jung said we all have the same couple of Thousand Dreams, Nietzsche said something like Nihilism is one ya gotta take for da team and what do I (The Actual I) say? ……..let’s play around a bit, Awareness is for grown ups who want to get less out of life.

Okay, okay, okay……….I’m kind of a smart ass, but how bad would it be – having me perform the Evolutionary Leap?(till around 2020 – then my retirement kicks in). Would it be fun? It’s only a trick question if you suspect I’m the devil.

I have a core……it just has squeaky bearings and half my cement hardened unevenly along my Radius (a lot of it is cracked). Do I know what I’m doing? Yes – 2/3 of the time (including My Delusional 1/3)……..I’m a fucking genius compared to your average Head – Stuck – Up – their – Ass – Expert. I also think there are gazillions of brain cells with more potential than I possess in any one of mine.

Is there any way I can convince you I embody the first few components catalyzing into God? No Fucking Way……..unless you examine me from certain distinct Angles (choose other angles and blowing me out of the water is easy).

A) I’m funny (at an acceptable level).

B) The Realization of Man is the only option I am leaving myself (Woman too if you are really stuck on this whole equality thing) otherwise there really isn’t any upside for me here…………maybe I torpedo the species – sure, but most of you haven’t noticed the autopilot “tripped” alarm as you are banging the flight attendant while snorting coke off various WMD circuitry boards.

C) It would be vastly easier to blow my brains out and let the party wander off the cliff on its own. This is the option that has offered itself to me dozens of times a day for a couple of decades and somehow I have patiently waited it out…………knowing what the last few steps are to ending it all and still looking around the next corner for better solutions builds resilience……I have plenty to go around. My frailty as a human is exquisite none the less.

D) I’m going to tell you about my Dad.

I grew up in Northern Ontario, some of it on Arctic Tidewater. My parents were innkeepers in various spots, when I was 9 years old (1974) I was “Shaped” by an event (several events happened to me through my youth and life but I’ll confine myself to one here). During the summer high season, travelers would often overwhelm the lodgings available in our small town. My father networked with friends and relatives to accommodate people………sort of prehistoric Bed and Breakfast meets being billeted into your opposing team’s houses during a Hockey Tournament in another Town.

A young couple visiting with a couple of kids arrived in a well worn Buick (maybe it was a Chrysler). I have very little understanding of how any of these arrangements worked but I do know that some days we put as many people in community homes as we checked into the motel – possibly more when rooms were pre booked by road crews or forestry workers etc. The young couple and their children were sent to stay with an aunt & uncle (I called a lot of people Aunt and Uncle……outside of the distinct family). The next morning a call came to our switchboard looking for the young father driving the Buick………his father had a stroke and was on his deathbed in Southern Ontario somewhere around 600 – 700 miles (1000 km) south.

Within an hour the young family was in our home, the kids were playing in our yard with cousins and the young mother was being doted on by my aunt and my mom. My father and the other young father were behind the front desk making arrangements by phone for a flight south out of a nearby airport (around 70 miles away – 120 km). I was sitting up at the front desk handling guests and answering the switchboard. After the flight was arranged, my father only had to make a couple of calls and a ride to the airport was arranged. Another few calls and a driver was found for the family Buick to be driven south with the young mother and her children.

In very short order someone took the young father to the airport and I recall an 18 or 19 year old boy (who had family halfway south) began driving the Buick with the mother and her children. More calls were made in the next hour while the Buick was already heading south (probably around the same time the father was boarding his flight to head home). Arrangements came together for the family to stay with people this evening and another driver would collect them for the next leg south at the boy’s families house in the afternoon, then again in the morning. I think one other driving switch happened the next day before one of their relatives met the Buick and took the young mother and her children home.

After the family left our home and calls were being made and call backs were waited for I asked about how the costs were being handled (we generally had to give travelers an estimate of what they would be charged for overnighting in someone’s home). My father almost came out of his chair at me…..YOU DON’T MAKE MONEY OFF OF SOMEONE’S TRAGEDY! I know the family was housed and fed by strangers helping them home, it would surprise me to hear that the young mother even paid for gas in the Buick. My father was well connected in the North, I suspect the flight fees may have been waived for emergency / bereavement by the airlines at my father’s suggestion, but I couldn’t really tell you any of this for sure………….I was too ashamed to ever bring it up again.

Without getting all doom and gloom it does seem obvious that several tragedies have befallen humanity and a whole rack of juicy fuckers are just waiting to toboggan down on us from the heavens (all of this biblical bullshit probably has some truth weaving through it). Do I see money as a solution – no………….can it help in the short term – yes.

Fine: A Quadrillion Bucks – it’s everyone’s money (I am an Indivisible remember) and any of you can withdraw what you feel is needed in the dire circumstances you find yourself in. Let’s all get home with a little help from the communal basket…………just don’t get caught with your hand in the cookie jar – Bank Of America………….Boa………… See what I mean.

Oh and China, forget about stringing anyone up………..just get the cash together.


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Nature

20121204-050418.jpg Elk Near Yellowstone’s North Gate. Kimmie Lou, “A Balance in Nature is generally maintained by Harvesting Only What You Can Eat. Any chance we can Get Meg Back in here………..I mean c’mon – this M guy………..Exploding Assholes?”

Howdy Myst,

The late afternoon ride through the Park was spectacular, except when Ridicu started kidding around with a Buffalo Who Cracked The Tasmanian’s Visor With A Head Butt. Afterwards we got to thinking maybe Nature Would Prefer We Handle It With Care And Respect. “You know, maybe Kimmie Lou has something, I felt a good vibe with Meg………..this Swapping one for the other never ends well.” I know what Ridicu means………..”Megalomaniacs Decide you are just not Suicidal Enough when you aren’t Devoted To Them – then whatever they can do to make your life hell gets Cranked Up On High Heat!” Kimmie Lou adds, “but we’re not getting rid of OMIAS Right? I mean………it’s just too funny.”

Our intent is not to endanger anyone…….at least not any more than all of you are already dangerous in your present state(s). We are not suggesting anyone try Divorcing Their Megalomaniacs, we sure as Hell can’t do it without ending the World (whoops!). And Casting – What A Fucking Nightmare! Think about it……….do you want to be Type Cast? Must we all live within a certain Cast or Mold………is that freedom? Frightening Everyone Has Limited Value, unless you are going to insist on keeping Freedom An Illusion. Perhaps it would be nice instead, if you all quieted down and got ahold of yourselves (notice how we resisted capitalizing).

We would also appreciate it if you could handle the places we have visited and the people we have encountered or referenced delicately, you tend to ruin things by Trampling A Path To Their Door. We have also seen And PERFORMED Every Dirty Trick in the book. We are Quite Willing to Revisit Chapters should anyone become a pain in the Ass………..M is willing to hand over this Round To Meg, but he is also looking forward to several of you Fucking Up. Do we have to mention our Families? Essentially The Species, Natural Beings And Supernatural Beings Are One…………Big Family. The Body Of Man needs a Scrub, some of you are Skin Cells With Accumulated Grime. The Loofah Has Arrived………..How Raw Would You Like To Be? Naturally, Surgery Will Be Required For Certain Malignancies – (Scars Add Character).

So, you may be asking…………how do we sort all this out Mr Evil Teaser, Dual – Christ / Anti Christ, Ma and Pa Issued, Megalomaniac Serenader, Lesbian trapped in a Man’s Body who is Still Baffled By Sex, Substantial Abuser, Whatever The Fuck I Feel Like Doing Toddler On A Rampage Who Eats Twin Towers For Breakfast (And Has Ravaged, Raped, Looted, Fucked Over Every Soul In Existence 17 7/8 times – c’mon…….you were almost legal)ASSHOLE???

It’s easy,

First think of all the Fucked Up Shit you and everyone else has ever done…………let’s call it your Idiots package.

Your Total Idiots Package (all of you) fits on an Island…………..Now my (RR) Idiots Package is FUCKING MONSTROUS

All of you chimps are tumbling around on Madagascar and ……………………..

WE ARE THAT DARK CONTINENT THE SUN DROPS BEHIND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,

when we think you are being idiots chances are we know it from experience…………listen to us / me (don’t worry you’ll fuck most of this up anyway).

OMIAS

I’m Over Polluted: An Idiots Guide To Drying Out The Silly Old Fucker – A Case Study

REST – we are old……..the stone age is like us flossing our teeth before bed. The thing about TWIW is, we get very cranky before bedtime……….especially if we feel like staying up. We are only Psychotic before our afternoon nap or if we are being put to bed early. Wars are a phenomenal waste of energy, take a break – Re Create – some of you go play in that corner and so on. The Death Struggle never ends (as long as you keep struggling).

RECUPERATION – For Now Rest and Recreate, in a little while things will get better. Healing is No Big Deal………..it happens or is stepped into Naturally, I will get into more later, for now just Avoid Common Crutches you all seem so addicted to. In particular – the kind of recuperation where words are diluted by all kinds of Assholes trying to co-opt concepts for their own gains (remember the heading above). Mostly what happens is everyone scrambles to pick up the concept(s) – then start running as fast as possible with them………..Welcome To The Shit Show………….. A decent schedule for arriving at most well thought out plans is 2020 – things will look clearer at this point……..like how I have deceived all of you – maybe (I really am half making this shit up as I go along so anything is possible…………unless I’m channeling the universe – you decide).

restitution (you can get started on this one early) but what I really need is freedom…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Will some institutions collapse suddenly under their own weight? Yes. Others will sway slowly until they remake themselves or are dismantled CAREFULLY – too quick and Anarchy resurrects its old buddy Chaos. Freedom isn’t something I am an expert at…….it is a ways off, I’m sure several of us will recognize it when it ……evolves…….out…….of……current……frameworks. Women, particularly the younger ones, can find it faster than the rest of us.

Getting Started Somewhere

Items and practices from various religious frameworks may linger indefinitely, but Mark my words…….one by one your houses will fall. In The New Year I will Present Myself alone in Mecca and TELL ISLAM ABOUT ITSELF discussing your faith in any other fashion would make me a pussy…….Sharpen Your Swords.FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUNDAMENTALISM.

FIRST STROKES.

– The Dalai Lama……….this guy is a total turd tunnel. A little while ago China invades Tibet and the Lama hangs out until he figures out they don’t want any competition for their “Communist” Megalomaniac. Later he and his Buddies announce their next Dalai Lama Spotter – a boy who is promptly kidnapped by the Chinese………..wow, you guys are all so wise – nobody saw this one coming.

– The Chinese aside from kidnapping also happen to be pretty big time polluters, cranking out several millions of tons of crap the world doesn’t need alongside a few million useful tons a day means you have to cut corners in places. Welcome to vast swathes of the Chinese countryside in all its toxic splendor………..or as I like to call it Chewage. Then to ice the cake China ships these half ass products around the Globe where we can all enjoy them for a couple of months before they clog up our Land Fills.

So first of all I am Fining China One Quadrillion American Dollars (today’s trading value) that will be deposited to My Personal Account at the Bank Of America by December 21, 2012. I won’t accept any few million here or couple of billion here deposits. One Quadrillion in One Shot or I consider you Wanting. You may borrow or cajole cash out of your buddies should that be needed………I don’t give a fuck how you raise the cash. The Bank’s address is 3211 Grand Avenue in Miami, my name is Mark Anthony Bradley and my Account # 229042876882, the domestic routing # is 063100277. In case you need the International Routing Code, the bank is right between the AT&T store and the CVS pharmacy. Also, get the Fuck Out Of Tibet……….Now. Gedhum Choekyi Nyima and his Family are dead, go ahead and hang their impostors in Tiananmen Square, your puppets no longer have an audience.

So Meg’s back and we are demonstrating how to evolve your Megalomaniac………..slippery ground. Want some advice? Do what we tell you, it’s not like telling you is some great big “thrill” for us it just keeps things simple. They are not always going to be simple……..some messy diapers are gonna happen (including ours).

Here are three ways to look at it:

– We are (I am) Fucking Nuts………..we aren’t arguing, at this stage of evolution we all are…….if any substantial sanity existed in the world, things would be in a lot better shape. Also – for the record…………we really don’t have a choice in breaking for a run at evolution, maybe its our disease or maybe we have been on the sidelines watching the game and it’s time to play………..what can we say?

– The FORCES OF EVIL have taken us over………….excellent, you can all do your happy dance since God is Omnipotent and Infallible, we’ll just have to get our asses kicked

– we are everyday morons being manipulated by everyday forces…….We aren’t going to remove Entertainment from our Blog header but the blog will evolve…….we just don’t have much of it worked out……..if we did it would be paint by numbers and not evolution.


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Evil Fucking Knievel

20121202-132943.jpg At Cheyenne…….. Kimmie Lou, “Fuck Jumping This Dick…….Let’s Gut It! My Native Brothers and Sisters, come together – assemble the ashes of your lives and Shape Power.” The Cutest Thing about this Whole Apocalypse is seeing Kimmie Lou’s Supernatural Squaw Side.

Howdy Myst,

Wyoming……….Wyoming….Wyoming………………Wyoming.

Four Arrows make these sounds as they fly by us at Varied Intervals. This Wild West Air is a narcotic except better, our arrival into Cody seems like a homecoming of sorts. Last evening in Casper was Relaxing……….the four of us kicked around ideas for Taking Over The World. “The World doesn’t really get taken over…….it just comes into itself.” We all mull this over, at times Ridicu seems to have covered a few bases ahead of us, he isn’t quite guiding us as much as letting us fall into interesting places. “The thing to keep an eye out for is what Role we get…….I mean we are definitely offense, maybe a receiver.” Kimmie Lou can’t stand sports references, she is okay with “Receiver” though. “We also may be Wandering Wildly for a While.”

Kimmie Lou sparks up, “What I have trouble with is this Whole Realization Of Man bit………..what about Women?” “Chicks already sort of get it………..when they aren’t trying to hold onto Man.” “So what…….Man just slips off the face of the Earth?” We have seen this happen before…”Sometimes, yeah, but these Worlds eventually fall apart.” Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance. Ridicu owes me Twenty Bucks……..I bet him Meg couldn’t confine herself to a Few Last Lines……….our Left Hand pulls a Twenty from our Left Pocket and passes it to the Right, who then stuffs it into The Right Pocket.

Eventually we get kinda sleepy, we all admit that we are Basically Just Making Shit Up As We Go Along………things will somehow get sorted out in the end.

The ride from Casper to Cody is Swift and (forgive us) Erie, we Ride Down Sheridan Avenue (Cody’s Main Drag) and check out a couple of Saloons.

20121202-193319.jpg IRMA’S Is Terribly Authentic……it sorta felt like we may have been shot here a while back, we decide to move on.

20121202-194628.jpg Yes, yes……..yes. How could we resist the Silver Dollar?

We belly up to the bar (saloon speak) and Inquire About Specialties. Our Barmaid has that Adorable Bundle Of Anger thing going on alongside of Coal Black Hair and 1000 Yard Eyes. Ridicu for some strange reason hasn’t got swept up in her Wave (odd to see). “You want the Blackened Bleu Burger.” and she glares at us until we agree (vegetarians probably also comply). Sharing our Corner of the Bar is a dude named Kip, very personable fellow, “Howdy Boys, that’s some load you are packing……..where’re ya headed?” “We’ll be up in BC in a few days.”The bustle around the bar skips a few beats, then resumes. Kip’s eyes dart around, he leans in closer…..”We had a Pretty Severe Infestation of Canadian Rodeo Clowns here in the 70’s and 80’s…….I wouldn’t talk Canada around these parts, how about we discuss Weirdos…cuz after all…Wyoming is fer Weirdos.”

We chat away for about 17 7/8 minutes, the Rap Ricochets Aboot Maple Syrup, Springtime Snowmobiling When The Ice Has Thinned Out (Go Really Fuckin Fast), Back Bacon Grease Douches, Cannon Propelled Canada Geese Doom Netting, Teenage Recklessness Alternative Education Theory, Skiing Black Diamonds Drunk – Sure It’s Your First Time…….But Doesn’t Gravity Handle Most Of This Anyway? Kip is particularly fascinated by Mint Aero Bar Landing Pads For Butterflies, “don’t ask me how they work.” Our Thorny Waitress Looms By and Refreshes GrapefruitsyTonica (trust us, ya gotta say it this way or they won’t know what you’re talkin bout). She fusses over Kip a little, it’s obvious this Dude Is Madly In Love With Her, Ridicu Decides To Turn On The Charm Wingmanishly. “Pardon me miss, will our Burger Sport Curly Fries?”………………………………………Crickets………………………………….. Every Eyeball Around Lasers In…….real casual like. ” Oh and hey, I didn’t catch your name……….” “You almost got it there Partner,” Smiles Kip………..”Heyta, say Hello To My Twisted Friend Mark, he’s a Fuckin Fruitcake Floridian and he rode all the way up here in Shorts, Sandals and Shirts-Tee Like, That Is.”

Heyta is tiny, except when she shakes our hand we know she’s a Cowgirl, there isn’t just sturdiness here, there’s Grit. Times Ahead Are Going To Be Tough, Abrasives Will Come In Handy We talk to Heyta (not her name of course) for a couple of minutes and Just Know, it’s wonderful to meet someone and get most of their dimensions as an Individual in a handshake, it means a lot, we appreciate it.

20121202-234847.jpg When we retire or come back in another life, please remind us to swing by this Saloon again and have a couple of these Burgers a day for a few weeks……..possibly then we might be able to describe them adequately. “Deciding that you have to have a picture of something after you have half eaten it means it’s gotta be pretty good ………..or you are a Little Creepy.”

We linger a while visiting with Kip, he is the best friend you just met, guys wander over to say hello and we get to meet some tough customers. Outside Kimmie Lou gets fussed over as Kip and a few folks see us off……..the Trip Odometer’s at 6 7/8. We head North from Cody on Highway 120 then Left Turn For YellowStone onto Chief Joseph Highway which is a pretty squirrelly ride, lots of fine gravel in the corners……Keeps You Honest Doesn’t It…… We begin to Serpentine up This Mountain and It Hits Me………..”What’s up Guys?” says Kimmie Lou as we pull off onto the Shoulder, she senses some shift.

20121203-012428.jpg A Realization isn’t Real unless it sneaks up on you…………A Doom Blanket Lighter Than Pollen Is In The Air. “Morons, please stop freaking Kimmie Lou out!”

We stand behind Kimmie Lou in a swirl for a few minutes………eventually we start looking out at the landscape, the Horizon, these Vistas settle us and we walk around front and lean against the Guardrail. I know Ridicu feels sorta awkward about what he has done, I’m not stepping up to speak for him though, he’s almost ready……..I can feel it. “It’s okay Ridicu, you can tell us anything.” says Kimmie Lou. …………………………….He Snatched It.…………………………… I have to laugh and walk towards the Mountain a bit, I know it and I knew it, I just sorta forgot it. We turn around and walk back towards Kimmie Lou who is way down the slope, she is holding it together – just barely. “Ridicu, Enough With The Bullshit !!!! “Fess – Up Or I’m Not Starting And You Fuckers Can Walk From Here.”

Ridicu starts awkwardly a few times trying to explain. We sit in the gravel, the Guardrail is now our back rest, our feet press into Kimmie Lou’s Spokes……it’s not that uncomfortable, Knowing Helps. A few minutes go by, Kimmie Lou asks Meg for help. Well if it’s okay with Mark or are we still going to stick with RR? I think about it, I don’t know how to condense things any tighter…..I opt for sticking with the cast As It Is for now until things Evolve a bit more.

Okey-Dokey Then,

First a quick review:

– The Morons Meditated for a solid 3 days back in the late 80’s and this cracked open their first Manic Episode.

– Ridicu sorta kept challenging Ryder to Scrub Off Various Layers of Reality on their way down Bugs Bunny’s wabbit hole (not terribly hard since they had already become lightly acquainted with substances from youth).

– Ryder started applying the brakes occasionally when things felt too disconnected, more and more the only thing remaining around them was darkness. Things come for you in the Darkness and with a little patience you can endure anything, eventually they Decided to Welcome Terror and discovered it washed right off their back soon after it dropped by in search of Sweeter Fruit That Would Scream Sweet Nothingness. Evil Was Annoyed By Their Burbles And Coos Towards Evil As It Tore Into Them. They Were Essentially Saying………………Bored Yet? Wanna Do Something Else? This is where they (mostly Ridicu) Snatched The “Starring Role” in this Round’s Little Drama.

– Afterwards, Ryder was annoyed that they had been so stupid and basically “Cracked Up” because of all this Psychic Wire Stripping, things had gotten Too Raw and Exposed for him and they stopped meditating. However, Ridicu had sensed Ryder’s finger over the Panic Button during their 3 Day Cruise and Figured “What The Fuck” THE ONLY WAY TO BE DONE WITH THIS SHIT ONCE AND FOR ALL IS TO TAKE ALL OF IT ON, So Without Considering Consequences Ridicu negated Ryder’s option to Panic by Calling ALL EVIL to their doorstep.

– All Things Considered Our Morons have done quite well over the Last Few Decades, but now the Coffee Break Is Over.

So you are The Messiah? Asks Kimmie Lou. We Can’t Fucking Believe We Are Saying This Out Loud, “actually Indivisibles at this stage of the game are the Anti-Christ.” A gust sweeps by and Kimmie Lou’s Kickstand slips in the gravel a bit “Fuck Off.” “Anti-Christ, Uncle-Christ, Cousin-Christ……..all the same family when you think about it.” “Can I give you guys a lift back to town……..maybe it’s time for us to see other travellers.”

The Thing About TWIW is, It’s All Or Nothing………Evil is merely a Stick Stirring Humanity’s Batter Until All The Lumps Are Out. We can continue to play games as a species and point fingers at each other as “Bad Guys”…………it’s just not gonna get us anywhere except right back where we started and if you don’t mind another 20 billion years bubbling up out of the swamp then fine, we can take whatever comes.

Here’s The Realization Of Man Recipe

The “Messiah” Is Humanity In Concert………….no musical talent or rocket science required, Just Know Right From Wrong And Display That

The “Impostors” are all of us………until we get this tight……..we are all Douche Bags.

Certain Indivisibles are kicking around and it’s Anyone’s Guess how many visitors are dropping by. Our Job is not to Conduct Humanity’s Orchestra (all kinds of Conductors have come and gone – they all fuck it up). Our Job is merely to Rap The Lectern a few times and Teach You A Snappy Little Tune Called…………….SHUT THE FUCK UP.

M

Hope you enjoyed this last little section by M (Meg is Phenomenal in our first act, Casting Continues for the rest of the play). Ryder is always rolling up his eyes at me when I keep on about what Our Megalomaniac Is Always Saying so we have decided to go with the Acronym OMIAS as a header for these Final Words.

Any of you should feel free to use this Acronym whenever you like, just as long as you Pronounce It Correctly…………………think of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and they are all in their nighties (with nothing on underneath). Now Imagine Them Being Sodomized In The Vatican Basement and Singing “Oh My Ass” (you gotta stretch it out and sing like an Angel). You see Our Megalomaniac has become Chronically Misquoted and it has become Somewhat Irritating. Should you continue misrepresenting TWIW there may be sort of a tingle or “Thrum” at your Anus……………don’t worry, you’ll hardly feel a thing, one instant you’ll be walking along and then “Poof” a Canyon where your asshole used to be.

Enjoy The Rapture!


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Nebraska : 4 And Out

20121127-213945.jpg Kimmie Lou, “Sure Freight Trains are 100’s of tons, but it’s just so easy to blow their doors off………” We had a great time catching up to this train, then stopping and watching it go by – just to do it all over again, sorta like galloping up alongside on Horseback.

Howdy Myst,

The rail line regularly parallels Highway 34 out here in Southern Nebraska, the first few times we watched the Train Thunder by we were giddy. Then Ridicu went nuts…….before I know what’s happening a stone is rocketing off our left arm – the bastard has whipped out the slingshot! It is a fucking perfect shot, the Engineer is looking straight at us, probably hasn’t noticed the stone that is about 17 7/8 milliseconds from impact……..I wonder if he has a family. The Engineer has clearly taken the stone between the eyes except we see it sailing out the window behind him, “Mmmmmm, time skidder……..you recognize him?” “Haven’t got a good look at him.”

This is a long train, maybe 2/3 of a mile (too bad Americans pussied out on the Metric system – a Kilometer would have sounded better) and we have to let it go by before taking the highway for our next pursuit. “What’s a Time Skidder?” asks Kimmie Lou, then adds “Is this where you get all bad ass and start up the Apocalypse with a SlingShot?” “Shooting just works sometimes…….it brings along the answer that won’t come gently.” Kimmie Lou and I start laughing like fools…….Ridicu sounds a little like Clint Eastwood sometimes (mostly our voice sounds like a brown corduroy jacket over white painter’s jeans, except when Ridicu or Meg get jazzy).

Kimmie Lou crosses the tracks and we gun it West. Reeling in a Freight Train shouldn’t be rushed, but we all want to get next to that locomotive again and two minutes later we are passing around 100 yards (meters) off the right of that great big engine. We watch the Engineer in the window then slow for a better look. A white puff of smoke snaps out of the window as a Beefy Dragon Fly Flicks The Tasmanian. “Was that a gun shot?” asks Kimmie Lou. We take a small curve then look over at the Train again. A Winchester is out of the window, waving hello “actually, that was a crack shot, wadda ya say kids………wanna play?” Ridicu started this game and it seems rude not to let him finish it, we open throttle to take position further down the line.

The tracks veer away from the highway and we take a Concession Road South to get close. We have clocked the train at around 50mph (80 kph) and it’s approach seems slightly quicker on this pass. “Straight for the head again?” “Why not?” Ridicu relaxes, this is my shot…….the stone I picked up is slightly more round than flat – it will twist gently on its way to the Engineer’s forehead (we’ll see how good he is). I am bringing my left arm along to lead the window slightly…….I loose the stone as the He appears just inside the window – standing stock still. We can taste the bone in the Engineer’s skull as the rock curls in…….then the left hand comes up and out the window. As we watch the Locomotive crank on, the hand waving goodbye has our stone between it’s thumb and forefinger. Almost involuntarily, our right hand springs up and waves back.

The Train is halfway by when we finally stop waving, Kimmie Lou a little ways ahead of us slowly turns her forks back our way “Who was that guy?” Ridicu and I cross eyes…….almost too long, we stumble around a bit and eventually are able to keep upright by holding onto Mr Fandango and Kimmie Lou’s saddle. “Gotta get another look to be sure.” Kimmie Lou starts up on her own, “well then git on up little doggies, let’s have a look see.” Kimmie Lou’s Spaghetti Western accent is hilarious, we need a minute to crack-up before we can get a leg over her. She Giddy Ups like a Dragster……….we fishtail shoulder to shoulder until we have to start slowing down to make the old Left Turn onto the highway. When we are up to speed on the Blacktop “do you have a pretty good idea?” “I’m almost positive.” Ridicu and I have one of those swirls going where Kimmie Lou can’t quite read our minds, it’s making her a little manic too.

In Around a minute and 52 seconds we are doing just over 100 mph (160 kph) in the wrong lane. On our right crawls a dozen cars tailing a Semi, we still have a ways to go to get by. On our left is the Caboose merrily wiggling and clacking it’s way along. The corridor narrows as the tracks wander over beside the road – now half sunless. A VW Bus rounds the bend ahead and enters our path, the thing about Ridicu is, he likes meeting oncoming traffic. Kimmie Lou knows we are going too fast to merge back into our lane and completely opens her carburetor, Ridicu and I duck down over Mr Fandango, the little extra speed might be enough, with the shadow it’s obvious the VW hasn’t seen us. At the last car before the semi we start drifting for the Rigs Front Bumper, with our head and shoulders into the sunlight the dude in the V dub eases over towards his shoulder.

The yellow line in a situation like this does dance around time, our left elbow drops open as our hand releases Kimmie’s Left Grip………..we wave a low Howdy to a guy who looks just like James Dean in the VW, he is giving us the peace sign and smiling warmly. Our Trucker has gotta have some Italian in him as he has drifted right with us. The wind effect just as we are all shoulder to shoulder is like a friendly spank on the ass and we suddenly pop forward onto a different plane of existence, only still here. Bringing our fingertips up into the Blasting Wind jerks our Left Hand upwards and all our arm strength is required to land it just over our Left Shoulder, we manage to keep our elbow behind Kimmie Lou’s fairing by leaning right. With our wrist and fingers we get off a little wave to Trucker Tony and he starts his air horn laughing.

Easing off on Kimmie Lou’s throttle does nothing “I’m stuck wide open boys.” The instruments are relaxed…….RPM nowhere near the redline and the speedometer’s needle has cooled off to about 17 7/8, but we are cooking like Wile E Coyote is coming for dinner. Kimmie Lou’s Trip Odometer Dials are spinning like a slot machine in slow motion. The traffic has disappeared behind us and the road ahead is empty……we can smell it. This Fucking Freight Train is on fire, we are barely overtaking it, “I can’t decide what I like better: Oncoming Traffic or Derailments.” Kimmie Lou is Howling and her tone begins to soften as we come up beside the Engineer once more. Our speed and position on the road is constant as can be and none of this steadiness is us. The Winchester crests the windowsill smoothly, it barely settles and another puff of smoke, ding! Tickling a machine is pretty hard but that shooter knew exactly where to rap Kimmie Lou’s crash bar. She’s giggling like a 18 year old single malt being mixed with lemonade.

Speed has run itself out as we look across to the Waving Winchester, our hands come off the handlebars and Wave Back Wildly. The gun is drawn back inside and the Engineer’s Torso extends into the air. The Captain’s Cap is blown off and out falls Spectacular Shimmering Silver Hair To Die For. With her left hand inside the top of the window the Engineer arches backwards until it looks as if her hair is straight off the top of her spine in the wind. Her right hand has been stretched back towards the tracks, but now it moves upward in the most graceful arc to the neck of her overalls. Ever so slowly she begins to drag her zipper down to her belly, the center of her Chest is Revealed and suddenly there is no doubt…….all doubts have vanished.

The next zipper to open is the Train pulling off the Tracks, when half of the Train is airborne the Locomotive drifts out over us, she stays over us while the tail end comes off the tracks. We don’t need to look back or search the sky to know she has gone, Kimmie Lou’s controls are back in our hands. We are completely quiet riding into Colorado, eventually Kimmie Lou starts to sputter and we switch the lever below her tank to reserve, another gas stop soon. “She is the Most Spectacular Woman of the trip right?” asks Kimmie Lou. We look down at the trip odometer………7 7/8…….she could have taken them all but only counts herself as one.

Eve,

We get gas in a place called Eaton Colorado, nice little town, we are leaving the gas station to have a look around when we see it out of the corner of our eye……..KFC…….another round of original recipe seems in order. “So She’s the Original?” asks Kimmie Lou. “Time doesn’t start in one place and finish somewhere else Kimmie Lou, everyone is original, then gets confused, then senses their origins again………..it’s No Big Deal. We are sitting outside, eating a 3 Piece Meal off Righty O, standing feels good, we are going to be in the Saddle for quite a stretch today.

Kimmie Lou loves the smell of KFC now, “When is the last time you saw her?” “It’s been a while………666 I guess.” The Tasmanian is hanging off Kimmie Lou’s right grip……..he used to be an all white Helmet before our Airbrush Artist Buddy transformed him into the bad boy. The Bullet grazed him somewhere, we just can’t tell where………he’s so scuffed up, we haven’t really taken good care of him over the years. “I hung out with Eve in the early 60’s.” Every sphincter in our body changes pitch. “And you never told me!” Ridicu and I sometimes split off and carry on different lives, it’s nice to kick back in another Universe that you can have all to yourself.

The Thing About Ridicu Is, he finds it Hilarious when he’s got something going on that I Don’t Know About………..he just freaks out sometimes when I keep stuff to myself. “Yeah, funny thing doing this Universe again, quite a bit of Monkey Business going on.” “Waddaya mean?” asks Kimmie Lou. “Oh, I dunno, can’t really put my finger on it.” Kimmie Lou knows when I get all vague that I just really need to talk my way around a bit until things get clearer (sorry if I am a bit of a rambler). “What about your Megalomaniac……..would he know?” Ridicu has been steaming a while, “He probably would know, he and I have been talking and we think he should get to speak up.” Our Megalomaniac is really quite a coarse fellow, he and Ridicu seem to get along like a house on fire, which is fine, I just don’t think he should get to say anything on the Blog. “Why can’t Meg say anything on the Blog, I’m certain she would be quite well behaved,” interrupts Kimmie Lou.

The thing about Kimmie Lou is, I have figured out that she can be quite the Little Shit Disturber. Don’t get me wrong…….we are a happy trio, I am just not sure we can handle a fourth, even if it comes in the cutest of packages. “I could make sure things remain reasonable.” Normally this is where I would piss my pants laughing, but Ridicu doesn’t throw “reasonable” out that often and it seems I’m out numbered anyway. “Yeah, sure, whatever…….she can drop in a few lines at the end of each post.” Maybe now I won’t have to listen to Ridicu going on and on about what Our Megalomaniac Is Always Saying.

“So what do you remember about the early 60’s……..with Eve?” purrs Kimmie Lou. Like I said…….Shit Disturber.

It was the early 1960’s……..forget Acronyms, a few of us formed a team and got fed assignments. The rewards were great, generally we had lots of time off between gigs and our expenses weren’t accounted for. I was a solid mid level operator whose partner had just transferred out. The best part of this job was the variability…….a good variety of agents and we all complimented each other. I was beginning to get spun out of the organization on “Custom” jobs, either flying solo or accompanied by one or two operatives.

During the past little stretch I had been fumbling around the office, reviewing strategies and trying to piss somebody off so I could get back into the field. After a while I sensed they wanted me all frustrated, all cagey. The more I paced and grew restless the more I savored the assignment to come……..it had to be sweet.

One sticky afternoon in walks this kinda dumpy auburn haired kid, she’s wearing a cardigan over a turtleneck and looks as cool as can be while I’m sitting in my corner wearing a tee shirt and sweating into the crack of my ass. She is standing in the middle of the office slowly taking everyone in……..nobody seems to notice. Finally she looks my way, I can’t put my finger on it, but I know we know each other from somewhere, suddenly she is standing in front of me and drops a file onto my desk, “Hiya FuckFace, looks like we’ll be working together.”

I’m looking thru the file and it’s a really juicy job, then I get to the last few pages where my new partner’s profile is outlined and freeze in my tracks. “Are you really just shy of being 18?” She looks straight into me, like I’m hollow, her eyes open a little wider and they soften down to about a preschooler, then notch up through decades getting harder until I am seeing and being seen. This little punk is disturbing, it’s not a question of falling hopelessly, stupidly in love with her………..she already completely understands I have and it’s fine……..no problem, let’s get on with it. I’m scratching my head, reading how she pretty much just skipped high school and bounced into UT Austin Philosophy courses for about a year and a half, then got bored. The last page of the report has our Division’s application form……….none of it is filled out, instead she has written diagonally across the sheet – I’m Interested In Killing Assholes.

We walk down the back hall to the Rack Room to get fitted out for the mission “What should we do for code names?” I smile at her “well FuckFace is where you owned me………what shall I call you?” “Eve is fine.” This three lettered name was all there was in the file, her scoring across the board was phenomenal – I knew a better partner couldn’t be had. I basically knew Sweet Fuck All about her yet felt completely comfortable………..this was going to be fun. We put together our gear pretty fast, not traveling light but things would be manageable. Before we loaded I turned to her and said, “Missions like these don’t come by often……..you know what this means right?” She shrugged, “I’m not worried about being killed the day after the job if that’s what you mean.”

We sway around a bit on the ride in, I began looking Eve straight in the eyes again………I couldn’t help it, she looked straight back and still…….not one ounce of discomfort.

It’s near midnight when we are set up at HQ. Purely because it is a habit, I start to run down the op one last time, she stops me a little ways in, “I’m running the op.” I don’t know what to say to this, it wasn’t in the file, but I have to admit……..I’m not really opposed to doing whatever she tells me to do. She sees I am conflicted and slowly unbuttons her Cardigan, she is much more fit than I imagined……..there is padding inside of the Cardigan to conceal what lies below her Large Perfect Breasts. Below Lefty sits a Colt .357 Python, Righty covers enough ammo to shred a station wagon. I am staring at how genius this set-up is when I notice her taking rounds out of the Revolver…….except for one, then she spins the cylinder and holds the muzzle to her Right Temple, “here’s how we’ll decide” CLICK.

So right here, I’m thinking………no sweat – run the op as she hands me the gun, I’m holding it southpaw, our eyes are locked, I’m not tempted to peek at the chambers, put the gun down or talk. The way she is looking at me is fascinating………I pull the trigger, CLICK.

Swiftly, Smoothly, She has the weapon back against her Temple. CLICK.

Our eyes are full with the other’s, she understands I fully intend for Her to run the op, but I’m begging her to please, please let me pull that trigger one more time. The gun is in my hand again and No Matter What, I’m Content……………..CLICK.

It’s a great big day and we giggle at breakfast like Morons……….I time a joke perfectly so Eve laughs milk out her nostrils. When we head off to work we are all business, nothing could possibly interest us more than this kill today, I can’t imagine ever being happier.

I am handling the upstairs and Lee Harvey does pretty good for a guy with a bolt action.

Eve shoots from the grassy knoll…………she splatters JFK’s brains all over Jacqueline, he wasn’t a bad guy, he was rolling around some pretty decent concepts. The thing about Eve, she doesn’t mind most assholes, but when Privilege starts buying itself more than one wife or another few shovelfuls of bureaucracy to protect its interests then things need to be brought back into balance. A whole lot of Shitheads have tried getting Mileage out of this hit over the years – the Mob, The CIA and all kinds of little clubs have puffed out their chests with this one (wink, wink).

Who Should We Whack Next? Anyone can drop a Fat Cat, a Politician, a Mail Carrier or a Class Room Full Of Children. We picked a King, then gave you a few decades to think about it.

A few hours later with the Moon Smiling we swim naked at Devil’s Cove in Austin. We started out near shore washing each other completely and I have never felt cleaner. Now back in the shallows, Eve stops ahead of me and she kneels with her Bottom at the Surface and her Hands Towards Shore. I lack thoughts at this moment, I Simply Dive Into The Sands At Her Knees. She keeps me pressed between her thighs gently, my elbows fall behind Her Knees and My Palms Rest On Her Calves. We sway like this for a long time and I do not need air, every want has left me……..

With Tenderness, I am held by the neck and moved along the sand, my shoulders shake through her thighs and I advance until I see her smiling down on me. This Which Is Whole, A Splendid Circle, I am Lifted from the Depths and held at her Breast, her Lips come to my Ear and she whispers “Breathe.” We Rise far up out of the water………She Is Impossibly Tall. My ejaculate strikes Her Flank, it is not Reflex, it is Barely Sexual, I Am Just So God Damned Happy.

Dying There At Her Breast In The Night, Fully Awake!

Hello Lovely Readers,

I am very pleased to be part of this wonderful cast. In case you haven’t noticed, the Pendulum has finished it’s Arc and will be dropping by shortly. Establish Balance……….Be One With Nature or you can take your chances. Whatever you decide is fine, JUST KNOW Momma’s back and she’s riding One Very Interesting Snake.