RidicuRyder

Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment

Evil Fucking Knievel

1 Comment

20121202-132943.jpg At Cheyenne…….. Kimmie Lou, “Fuck Jumping This Dick…….Let’s Gut It! My Native Brothers and Sisters, come together – assemble the ashes of your lives and Shape Power.” The Cutest Thing about this Whole Apocalypse is seeing Kimmie Lou’s Supernatural Squaw Side.

Howdy Myst,

Wyoming……….Wyoming….Wyoming………………Wyoming.

Four Arrows make these sounds as they fly by us at Varied Intervals. This Wild West Air is a narcotic except better, our arrival into Cody seems like a homecoming of sorts. Last evening in Casper was Relaxing……….the four of us kicked around ideas for Taking Over The World. “The World doesn’t really get taken over…….it just comes into itself.” We all mull this over, at times Ridicu seems to have covered a few bases ahead of us, he isn’t quite guiding us as much as letting us fall into interesting places. “The thing to keep an eye out for is what Role we get…….I mean we are definitely offense, maybe a receiver.” Kimmie Lou can’t stand sports references, she is okay with “Receiver” though. “We also may be Wandering Wildly for a While.”

Kimmie Lou sparks up, “What I have trouble with is this Whole Realization Of Man bit………..what about Women?” “Chicks already sort of get it………..when they aren’t trying to hold onto Man.” “So what…….Man just slips off the face of the Earth?” We have seen this happen before…”Sometimes, yeah, but these Worlds eventually fall apart.” Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance, Balance. Ridicu owes me Twenty Bucks……..I bet him Meg couldn’t confine herself to a Few Last Lines……….our Left Hand pulls a Twenty from our Left Pocket and passes it to the Right, who then stuffs it into The Right Pocket.

Eventually we get kinda sleepy, we all admit that we are Basically Just Making Shit Up As We Go Along………things will somehow get sorted out in the end.

The ride from Casper to Cody is Swift and (forgive us) Erie, we Ride Down Sheridan Avenue (Cody’s Main Drag) and check out a couple of Saloons.

20121202-193319.jpg IRMA’S Is Terribly Authentic……it sorta felt like we may have been shot here a while back, we decide to move on.

20121202-194628.jpg Yes, yes……..yes. How could we resist the Silver Dollar?

We belly up to the bar (saloon speak) and Inquire About Specialties. Our Barmaid has that Adorable Bundle Of Anger thing going on alongside of Coal Black Hair and 1000 Yard Eyes. Ridicu for some strange reason hasn’t got swept up in her Wave (odd to see). “You want the Blackened Bleu Burger.” and she glares at us until we agree (vegetarians probably also comply). Sharing our Corner of the Bar is a dude named Kip, very personable fellow, “Howdy Boys, that’s some load you are packing……..where’re ya headed?” “We’ll be up in BC in a few days.”The bustle around the bar skips a few beats, then resumes. Kip’s eyes dart around, he leans in closer…..”We had a Pretty Severe Infestation of Canadian Rodeo Clowns here in the 70’s and 80’s…….I wouldn’t talk Canada around these parts, how about we discuss Weirdos…cuz after all…Wyoming is fer Weirdos.”

We chat away for about 17 7/8 minutes, the Rap Ricochets Aboot Maple Syrup, Springtime Snowmobiling When The Ice Has Thinned Out (Go Really Fuckin Fast), Back Bacon Grease Douches, Cannon Propelled Canada Geese Doom Netting, Teenage Recklessness Alternative Education Theory, Skiing Black Diamonds Drunk – Sure It’s Your First Time…….But Doesn’t Gravity Handle Most Of This Anyway? Kip is particularly fascinated by Mint Aero Bar Landing Pads For Butterflies, “don’t ask me how they work.” Our Thorny Waitress Looms By and Refreshes GrapefruitsyTonica (trust us, ya gotta say it this way or they won’t know what you’re talkin bout). She fusses over Kip a little, it’s obvious this Dude Is Madly In Love With Her, Ridicu Decides To Turn On The Charm Wingmanishly. “Pardon me miss, will our Burger Sport Curly Fries?”………………………………………Crickets………………………………….. Every Eyeball Around Lasers In…….real casual like. ” Oh and hey, I didn’t catch your name……….” “You almost got it there Partner,” Smiles Kip………..”Heyta, say Hello To My Twisted Friend Mark, he’s a Fuckin Fruitcake Floridian and he rode all the way up here in Shorts, Sandals and Shirts-Tee Like, That Is.”

Heyta is tiny, except when she shakes our hand we know she’s a Cowgirl, there isn’t just sturdiness here, there’s Grit. Times Ahead Are Going To Be Tough, Abrasives Will Come In Handy We talk to Heyta (not her name of course) for a couple of minutes and Just Know, it’s wonderful to meet someone and get most of their dimensions as an Individual in a handshake, it means a lot, we appreciate it.

20121202-234847.jpg When we retire or come back in another life, please remind us to swing by this Saloon again and have a couple of these Burgers a day for a few weeks……..possibly then we might be able to describe them adequately. “Deciding that you have to have a picture of something after you have half eaten it means it’s gotta be pretty good ………..or you are a Little Creepy.”

We linger a while visiting with Kip, he is the best friend you just met, guys wander over to say hello and we get to meet some tough customers. Outside Kimmie Lou gets fussed over as Kip and a few folks see us off……..the Trip Odometer’s at 6 7/8. We head North from Cody on Highway 120 then Left Turn For YellowStone onto Chief Joseph Highway which is a pretty squirrelly ride, lots of fine gravel in the corners……Keeps You Honest Doesn’t It…… We begin to Serpentine up This Mountain and It Hits Me………..”What’s up Guys?” says Kimmie Lou as we pull off onto the Shoulder, she senses some shift.

20121203-012428.jpg A Realization isn’t Real unless it sneaks up on you…………A Doom Blanket Lighter Than Pollen Is In The Air. “Morons, please stop freaking Kimmie Lou out!”

We stand behind Kimmie Lou in a swirl for a few minutes………eventually we start looking out at the landscape, the Horizon, these Vistas settle us and we walk around front and lean against the Guardrail. I know Ridicu feels sorta awkward about what he has done, I’m not stepping up to speak for him though, he’s almost ready……..I can feel it. “It’s okay Ridicu, you can tell us anything.” says Kimmie Lou. …………………………….He Snatched It.…………………………… I have to laugh and walk towards the Mountain a bit, I know it and I knew it, I just sorta forgot it. We turn around and walk back towards Kimmie Lou who is way down the slope, she is holding it together – just barely. “Ridicu, Enough With The Bullshit !!!! “Fess – Up Or I’m Not Starting And You Fuckers Can Walk From Here.”

Ridicu starts awkwardly a few times trying to explain. We sit in the gravel, the Guardrail is now our back rest, our feet press into Kimmie Lou’s Spokes……it’s not that uncomfortable, Knowing Helps. A few minutes go by, Kimmie Lou asks Meg for help. Well if it’s okay with Mark or are we still going to stick with RR? I think about it, I don’t know how to condense things any tighter…..I opt for sticking with the cast As It Is for now until things Evolve a bit more.

Okey-Dokey Then,

First a quick review:

– The Morons Meditated for a solid 3 days back in the late 80’s and this cracked open their first Manic Episode.

– Ridicu sorta kept challenging Ryder to Scrub Off Various Layers of Reality on their way down Bugs Bunny’s wabbit hole (not terribly hard since they had already become lightly acquainted with substances from youth).

– Ryder started applying the brakes occasionally when things felt too disconnected, more and more the only thing remaining around them was darkness. Things come for you in the Darkness and with a little patience you can endure anything, eventually they Decided to Welcome Terror and discovered it washed right off their back soon after it dropped by in search of Sweeter Fruit That Would Scream Sweet Nothingness. Evil Was Annoyed By Their Burbles And Coos Towards Evil As It Tore Into Them. They Were Essentially Saying………………Bored Yet? Wanna Do Something Else? This is where they (mostly Ridicu) Snatched The “Starring Role” in this Round’s Little Drama.

– Afterwards, Ryder was annoyed that they had been so stupid and basically “Cracked Up” because of all this Psychic Wire Stripping, things had gotten Too Raw and Exposed for him and they stopped meditating. However, Ridicu had sensed Ryder’s finger over the Panic Button during their 3 Day Cruise and Figured “What The Fuck” THE ONLY WAY TO BE DONE WITH THIS SHIT ONCE AND FOR ALL IS TO TAKE ALL OF IT ON, So Without Considering Consequences Ridicu negated Ryder’s option to Panic by Calling ALL EVIL to their doorstep.

– All Things Considered Our Morons have done quite well over the Last Few Decades, but now the Coffee Break Is Over.

So you are The Messiah? Asks Kimmie Lou. We Can’t Fucking Believe We Are Saying This Out Loud, “actually Indivisibles at this stage of the game are the Anti-Christ.” A gust sweeps by and Kimmie Lou’s Kickstand slips in the gravel a bit “Fuck Off.” “Anti-Christ, Uncle-Christ, Cousin-Christ……..all the same family when you think about it.” “Can I give you guys a lift back to town……..maybe it’s time for us to see other travellers.”

The Thing About TWIW is, It’s All Or Nothing………Evil is merely a Stick Stirring Humanity’s Batter Until All The Lumps Are Out. We can continue to play games as a species and point fingers at each other as “Bad Guys”…………it’s just not gonna get us anywhere except right back where we started and if you don’t mind another 20 billion years bubbling up out of the swamp then fine, we can take whatever comes.

Here’s The Realization Of Man Recipe

The “Messiah” Is Humanity In Concert………….no musical talent or rocket science required, Just Know Right From Wrong And Display That

The “Impostors” are all of us………until we get this tight……..we are all Douche Bags.

Certain Indivisibles are kicking around and it’s Anyone’s Guess how many visitors are dropping by. Our Job is not to Conduct Humanity’s Orchestra (all kinds of Conductors have come and gone – they all fuck it up). Our Job is merely to Rap The Lectern a few times and Teach You A Snappy Little Tune Called…………….SHUT THE FUCK UP.

M

Hope you enjoyed this last little section by M (Meg is Phenomenal in our first act, Casting Continues for the rest of the play). Ryder is always rolling up his eyes at me when I keep on about what Our Megalomaniac Is Always Saying so we have decided to go with the Acronym OMIAS as a header for these Final Words.

Any of you should feel free to use this Acronym whenever you like, just as long as you Pronounce It Correctly…………………think of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and they are all in their nighties (with nothing on underneath). Now Imagine Them Being Sodomized In The Vatican Basement and Singing “Oh My Ass” (you gotta stretch it out and sing like an Angel). You see Our Megalomaniac has become Chronically Misquoted and it has become Somewhat Irritating. Should you continue misrepresenting TWIW there may be sort of a tingle or “Thrum” at your Anus……………don’t worry, you’ll hardly feel a thing, one instant you’ll be walking along and then “Poof” a Canyon where your asshole used to be.

Enjoy The Rapture!

Author: ridicuryder

Cloaked & Variable Character(s) who only make sense if read from the beginning - start at the Ride Along Reader's Guide (Nov 2012) then pick up Contraption Attachment Disorder from July 2012. RidicuRyder is a fictional adventure layered over an actual trip. Our Adventurers have strange takes on things like Lisps, Motorcycles, Montreal Steak Spice, Mental Health and The End of the World (Evolving our species just sorta happens by accident). New for 2013 - opinion pieces in between trip stories.

One thought on “Evil Fucking Knievel

  1. RR,
    Um, I kind of got a little ‘thrum’ at the appropriate place when I read that. Should I be worried?
    NO

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s