Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment



20120803-211516.jpg UF Gainesville: “Grab some of this Spanish Moss, stuff it in a sock and sit on it……quit whining about tenda fanny Morons – Kimmie Lou wants Georgia Peaches for supper!”

Howdy Myst,                 (Edited Version Available 2020)

We are still a little hazed after the Transcendental Ice Cream, rode all the way to Gainesville without switching to highway or rear pegs. Our cognition needs to be stirred, “it’s happening man, I can feel it!” Something is definitely going on, “look right now I just want some circulation below our waist.” These college kids are giving “the old dude who seems to be clenching a tire iron between his ass cheeks” a wide berth, Ridicu won’t shut up about all of it….I hope our lips aren’t moving – that would really freak the coeds out.

“Remember Theresa, from Vancouver?” After a second or two “yeah, nice kid….wha” – “She’s here man! She followed that Prof from UBC, she was his research assistant….they transferred right here to Gainesville” Wow he is really worked up, “that was what, 23 years ago?” “She’s here – I can feel it !” Oh nooo he is wigging, the thing about Ridicu…..he considers psychosis a vacation destination, he’s been getting us in to all sorts of shit across the years. “Even if she is here, do you remember her last name?” Laughing (that weird laugh that make people who were keeping their distance, quickly step further away) “how many Canadian Theresa’s can there be here?” I stop walking, the feeling is coming back in our ass, before I can say anything else, “let’s Fandango!… What about being unrestrained by reason?”

Every kid within 100 feet is looking at us, lips moving – definitely…….talking out loud – probably. “Okay, let’s go find her,” campus security will be here in a few minutes – I gotta get us out of here.

Opening a campus map in the Tigert Administration building Ridicu asks a dude “do you know a Canadian lady named Theresa who works here?” Smiling that southern gentleman smile he says “what department?” Jesus, this campus is huge…..eyes drifting over all the building names, finally something looks promising “Genetics” pops out of me. “Wasn’t it physics?” I keep a steady eye on the guy hoping we didn’t say physics out loud….I didn’t see any physics buildings on the map. “Well there are several genetics labs, but I would try this building here first” – he circles one with his pen. “Hey thanks a lot man, we really appreciate it!”

We are a few feet away from Kimmie Lou, we can still feel this guy’s eyes on us and she says “how’s da stalking going Morons!” Riding back south along 441 “I have to do all the talking in Genetics” Ridicu knows things might get too loosened off soon “okay, hey did ya see that guy looking at us?” “Oh yeah…..we’re not parking at Genetics either.” After a few seconds “we better change our shirt too, in case a BOLO is issued.” It’s a little scary how good we are getting at this.

In Macon, Georgia I pull in to our clutch feed station : The Glutton Corral. “I thought those ladies in Genetics were very nice, I’m sure that Canadian Doctor will be giving us a call in the next few days” then the realization where we are “oh.” “Yup, he’ll get back to us if he’s the right guy, in the meantime I think we should throttle back for awhile.” Kimmie Lou speaks softly but firmly “you could have ruined our whole trip Ridicu, now go on and pack your guts, then we’ll ride a little further and you can both have a nice big nap” We unzip Mr Fandango “okay, but there is something going on.” “I agree buddy, let’s just not get all spun out about it…we’ll figure it out in good time.” We are almost at the door “just no Barbeque Pork or Collard Greens.” “Let’s focus on the Bourbon Chicken, Pot Roast, Mashed Potatoes…” “and Mac n’ Cheese!” “That’s what I was thinking.”

Maybe a reader will know our Canadian Theresa, don’t get her to look us up – she’s terrific, really, probably the nicest female friend we ever had. We all learned to Meditate together, our instructor stipulated, “now just 20 minutes twice a day – too much of this stuff can make you crazy.” We were on a long weekend a while later….one of those lost weekends, when I finally figured out what was going on Ridicu had us oozing through day 3 of meditating, we had only stopped for toileting, snacks and the odd nap…..it’s when all the trouble began.