Dual Purpose, Dual Personalities Sporting Duality With Motorcycle Therapy & Entertainment

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Cherohala Skyway

20120929-214839.jpg Haw Knob – just below the Mile High point on the Cherohala…..so misty on the morning we rode – the fog almost had us in the higher elevations. Just when we thought we were in the clear……yikes!

Howdy Myst,                (Edited Version Available 2020)

We woke earlier than usual…..doom was wrestling us out of bed. During our wake-up morning pee, “you know how running water can stimulate urination?” Yawning, “yeah.” “Well, our tinkling just made me think of 40 days of rain.” Flush…..”now that cha mention it I did notice this kinda Niagara echo wit da wiz (pretty lazy enunciation first thing). “Waddaya say we check outta the beehive a couple a days early…..ya know – hit da road before it hits us?”

Ridicu’s paranoia could be a pain in the ass at times, but this morning he was dialed in to a terrible, slimy, suffocating weasel…..just about to stuff itself down our throats, “Sure, let’s cut out today – time for a change of scenery anyway.” We had Kimmie Lou packed up in record time, she sensed our urgency, “you boys wanna tell Kimmie Lou what’s got you so spooked?” “A creep show aggressor is always sharpening knives just out of your peripheral vision…..we just got a peek at him.” Kimmie Lou wasn’t used to us strapping everything down so tightly – so roughly “is it that Albino Midget dude?” We started her up “Nah…..not Whitey, whoever it is will either be killing us by lunchtime or kicking back and taking it easy because they succeeded in moving us along.”

We had to stop in at Pop and Nana’s to say goodbye to the crew and hammer back one more Baloney, Egg and Tomato on Texas Toast Extravaganza. “Angle will be sorry she missed you, she’s not in till the afternoon shift today.” “We got her email…..we’ll send her an update and a few pics from the road.” “Alrighty then, just take it extra easy out there today – that fog is pretty thick.”

The Cherohala Skyway runs West of Robbinsville and into Tellico Plains Tennessee, it is normally very scenic as the long sweeping curves round beautiful mountains. Near the mile high point we almost got strangled by the fog – Kimmie Lou’s new Rallye Windshield kit allowed us to duck down behind it and avoid the noose. At Haw Knob we stopped for another pee and met Camilla Copperhead, when she slithered over, our pee stream snapped off like an icicle, we were about to hop back over the stone wall when she said, “relax boys, finish your business – most snakes won’t bite old, fat, balding bikers.” “Really, why not! You know Ridicu’s thing with Death right? He was basically insulted that this snake wasn’t biting us.

Somehow our flow opened back up (involuntary nerves) and we almost showered Camilla. Anyone’s guess as to whether it was me pissing myself – that Ridicu was challenging the snake to bite us or it was Ridicu egging her on by pissing at her. Whatever was going on, she didn’t flinch – just slowly moved up the grass and coiled beside our right leg ” does your urine always sound so ominous?” “Not usually, no…..it’s been a bit of a gloomy morning.” Camilla blinked slowly (weird…..we thought snakes didn’t have eyelids) “got a peek at him huh?” “Yeah, but we’re sensing he’s happy we’re moving.” “Either that or you’ll be dead by lunchtime,” said Camilla snickering.

Kimmie Lou piped up “is that a snake I hear laughing back there?” “Yep, Camilla Copperhead meet Kimmie Lou Rawls/Reed” “Howdy miss” said Camilla. Just then we heard a Harley downshifting, it was coming out of the fog behind us. The Midnight Blue FLH descended off the curve and pulled up right beside Kimmie Lou. “Thought I’d catch you up here with your pants down,” said Angle as she pulled off her Midnight Blue Helmet. We zipped our fly as Angle and Camilla started yakking away in Parseltongue (you know – snake language, right out of Harry Potter). The thing about Aliens is, they share quite a bit of their DNA with Reptiles – kinda like Apes and Humans.

“Well it was nice meeting everyone, enjoy your afternoon” said Camilla as she slithered away. “Happy Trails Camilla” yelled Kimmie Lou (which drowned out our adios). “That snake wouldn’t bite us for some reason.” Angle chuckled, “you old, fat, balding bikers taste right in between rancid beef jerky and chain lube…..We only eat guys like you whenever we lose a bet, otherwise it’s better to vaporize you. “YOU’RE NOT HURTING RIDICURYDER” growled Kimmie Lou. “Easy there sister,”Angle patted Kimmie Lou’s tank a few times, “I’m not here to hurt anybody.”

We climbed aboard Kimmie Lou and she settled down some. Our leg was almost touching Angle’s – she had parked that close “How do you like my Harley?” “Looks pretty spiffy…..hey what is it about you – you’re different from other Aliens?” Angle’s demeanor softened “I’m half Human.” That beaming smile again, her voice was gentler…..smoother. “I’m half Human too!” declared Kimmie Lou. Angle’s laugh was melodious, she laid her hand on Kimmie Lou’s tank. We sat stunned for a stretch…..a Half Human Alien? “So you’re Spock?” Angle laughed some more “except my name is easily pronounceable.”

She started up her Harley, “you never asked me which world I was betting on.” We could barely hear over the Harley’s warble…..and there it was again, almost undetectable – that thrum. “909?” We guessed. “Nope, this one right here – 702.” Then she reached out and patted our shoulder, her hand drifted down to caress Kimmie Lou’s tank, “See ya!” We waved and Kimmie Lou came up on her forks as Angle roared off the pullout and back towards Robbinsville. We looked down at the trip odometer – 10 7/8.

About five miles before Tellico Plains we hang a left towards Bald River Falls, it is a gorgeous ride South for around 6 miles snaking along the Tellico River.

20121001-084653.jpg Kimmie Lou, ” Tennessee sure is pretty, but the Devils triangle makes sort of a squiggle through this state.”

“Are Aliens Indivisibles too?” asks Kimmie Lou. “Yeah, everyone is an indivisible….remember.”

I Am, Like EVERYONE, An Individual Indivisible Presentation Of That Which Is Whole.

Kimmie Lou says, “I think I am starting to get it…..That Which Is Whole, Individuals and Indivisibles – Thirds right?” We climb back on Kimmie Lou, “more or less – yeah, but proportions aren’t as important as balance.” “Individuals and Indivisibles in good balance encounter That Which Is Whole in a good way…..poorly balanced Individuals and Indivisibles encounter That Which Is Whole in a bad way.” “Oh,” said Kimmie Lou, “so this world…..not very well balanced huh?” We start back towards the Cherohala, “so far people are about a million times more likely to advance their individual or distinct group…..most are not even aware that they and everyone else are Indivisible from That Which Is Whole.” “A lot of folks will begin to understand their Indivisibility soon though.” “In a bad way?” asked Kimmie Lou. “bad enough…..the tricky part is – what is just the right amount of bad to get everyone interested in balancing for good.”

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They Know (Ride Report: Forestry Road 81)

20120923-132753.jpg Kimmie Lou, “I need to get a few things straight before we start back into gravel roads again.” Santeetla Gap forms the junction for Hwy 143, Joyce Kilmer Road and the Cherohala Skyway – Forestry Road 81 is 25 feet along Joyce Kilmer (just behind signs)…..you barely finish your right turn onto Joyce Kilmer and then you make a left down a brief paved stretch onto Forest Service Road 81.

Howdy Myst,                 (Edited Version Available 2020)

We settled into the Beehive nicely….maybe it was too nice. Our last minute cancellation rate was scarcely more than camping rates and it turned out this place was lakefront with a hot tub and a paddle boat for guests. “They know…..this is too good to be true!” “I think everyone here is just very nice – Southern Hospitable, Earnest Workerbeesiacs, so far I have not detected another Alien presence besides Angle.” “Yeah, but you know they’re around right? Maybe not at the Cafe or here at the Beehive but somewhere nearby.” Ridicu was right, they never worked alone – always in pairs or teams of some sort.

Breakfast back at Pop and Nana’s cinched it for us. “Oh, Angle will be sorry she missed you – she told us you called her the Dance Bandit.” “Well, things do get a little wobbly around here when she does that twist.” This very nice lady at the counter looked perplexed then replied, “She sure can tear up the dance floor at Harrah’s!” We all chatted for a while, it was Angle’s day off and she was also known for being quite the Angler. “She unofficially caught the largest catfish ever around here, outta Fontana Lake. She didn’t tell nobody at first cause when she cut it open,out popped a Midnight Blue FLH with its Rider, license plate and serial #s digested clean off…..she’s just about got it restored – you’ll be seeing her riding around town any day now.” Typical, Aliens almost always ride Harleys. We also never told her we named the last Blog “Dance Bandit”…..we are about a month behind on the Blog so one of her crew must of time jumped recently. It is no coincidence that everybody is “hearing” about our handle for her……she wants us to know that they know and more importantly, that they are watching us.

So far the trips most spectacular breakfast: Fried Baloney, Egg & Tomato Sandwich on Texas Toast – on par with any Baloney Sandwiches we grew up with in Northern Ontario (note to self – look into importation regulations for Texas Toast into Northern Ontario). One odd thing is that we have washed our hands at least ten times since we got to town and just can’t seem to move Wanda’s toolshed dirt out from under our fingernails….it’s starting to get a little embarrassing – how grubby we must look.

Outside we snap a few shots of Kimmie Lou and discuss the various rides available to us in the area – we know it as The Lair of the Dragon because just a little North on highway 129 you encounter the Tail of the Dragon. Eventually we discover that folks refer to their neck of the woods as the Lair of the Dragon from places as far away as Charleston or Nashville……that’s how cool this road is and we soon discover that most of it’s surrounding rides are pretty awesome as well. We have lingered a while this morning and our plan is to ride the Dragon early and hopefully miss the usual surge of midday traffic. Today seems perfect for another dirt road, we will return to then Beehive and organize a light bag, Kimmie Lou is all sporty and frisky without our usual load of gear. “Take me off the pavement boys!”

We swap gear and ride out Snowbird Road (same area for doing the Trail of Tears)….basically you just head West from Pop and Nana’s past Robbinsville’s Courthouse and you are on Snowbird and it is a great ride out to Santeetlah gap – lots of twists and variations (sound familiar?). Another photo at Santeetlah Gap and Kimmie Lou decides we need to update her some more. “I understand that they know that we know, but why aren’t they doing anything like zapping us with a death ray or something.” “Aliens can kill you anytime – it is no more a task for them than turning a doorknob……the only reason they keep people around is if they find them interesting.” “And you Morons are interesting?” “Well sort of….and when you go back far enough we have all dated the same chicks.” “Some of the same guys too, hey Ridicu can you remind me to pick up a nail brush when we are back in town – this dirt under our fingernails is starting to drive me crazy!”

Kimmie Lou is trying hard not to laugh, small burps of compression squirt out her exhaust and then finally she settles down. “That isn’t dirt…..Wanda tattooed black strips under everyone of your fingernails.” “WHAT!” We both cry, “awe crap, the Hospital Handwashing Police are just gonna love this.” “She said maybe you should think about a career change.” “Do you think she knows we just dated a Nurse for a while and then laser copied her credentials when she was out one afternoon?” “Probably, I told you we shoulda went to Nursing School, forging credentials always comes back to bite ya in the end.”

Ride Report: Forest Service Road 81, Robbinsville, North Carolina

20120923-170004.jpg Santeetlah Creek Campsites – free in National Forests. Kimmie Lou, “we should have camped out here – well, maybe next time.”

Forest Service Road 81 is a hoot and very well maintained, we suspect something like clay in the soil keeps the road bed well compacted – the bends and switchbacks are a little overgrown but the edges have been (recently) well graded. SWAT (Some Where Around Ten) miles in we are faced with a choice. The road forks…..it really is never a choice Ridicu always decides to go left and I have learned it is just easier to agree with him (Always bring a flashlight, matches etc and top up on fuel before you go riding into the bush with Ridicu). By the cooler temperature we know we are getting higher. Our left turn takes us up and to a locked gate, Ridicu takes Bugs Bunny’s cautionary words “I knew I shoulda taken that Left turn at Albequeque” very seriously.

On the way back down to the fork we discuss continuing on (the road will keep climbing until you go under the Cherohala Skyway). We have some extra gear to wear for the cooler ride out, (especially if we jump on the skyway) but we elect to go back the way we came…..this way we will have SWAT miles of gravel rather than just a couple more – then blacktop (and it is pretty cold). The scenery was fantastic on the way in and we see more stuff coming back.

This is RidicuRyder’s first ride report…..hope you liked it, it felt a little too factual to us, but we suppose this is how they are done (only better by most other Moto – Journal Types).