Howdy Myst, (Edited Version Available 2020)
As we left Wanda Witch we felt almost back to baseline, Kimmie Lou asked “how come there was a Wanda before Young Horror and then right after?” “Whenever we take our Megalomaniac out for a spin, the bummer is how we basically end up right back where we started from.” Kimmie Lou chatters over a washboard stretch of gravel then asks “Wanda said some stuff I really couldn’t understand about a path to thy inferiority complex contributing to your Megalomaniac.” Ridicu guffaws and then the laugh starts sounding like a half-strangled chipmunk as I clench our jaw shut.
Eventually the squeaky snickering rattling around in our head gets to me and I relax our jaw muscles. “Not path to thy – Pathology……and Ryder is kind of sensitive about his inferiority complex – I keep trying to tell him to relax, basically it’s huge – probably the biggest or most SUPERIOR – inferiority complex out there.” Kimmie Lou and Ridicu laugh hysterically around the next handful of curves until I downshift into first then quick-release the clutch. The back end – all locked up – drifts out to the edge of a sheer corner. Gravel sweeps off the drop and pounds the evergreen treetops below, the sound of bark yelping echoes through the valley below. “Hey! Jeez, don’t be so sensitive!” I can tell by her tighter tracking to the road that Kimmie Lou doesn’t find this all so funny anymore.
After a couple of minutes of quiet, well mannered riding we stop to pee, our first of the day. The thing about Ridicu is…..he can’t just back off when tensions are high and people are feeling vulnerable. The idea of quietly retreating to a safe corner irks him, he can do it, but only after he takes another few jabs at the situation. “Inferiority does have certain perks though.” Kimmie Lou pretends she hasn’t heard him, I decide to bite, just to get this over with “like the humility thing?” Kimmie Lou jumps right in ” what about That Which is Whole…..doesn’t it mean you are all basically the same being anyway?” Ridicu and I groan inwardly “what did Wanda tell you about That Which is Whole?” “Wanda said only you Morons and a couple of hundred other people know about That Which is Whole on this planet and that you would tell me everything when your linkage becomes more solid.”
Ridicu and I stop laughing after about 10 or 12 minutes, we pick ourselves up off the Forestry Road we have been rolling around on and dust ourselves off. “Our linkage will stay sloppy for this round.” “And so will everyone else’s.” Kimmie Lou’s forks turn to us slightly “what’s a round?” Even way out here in the forest we aren’t sure we should be saying this out loud “every time a world dies out….that’s a round.” “Wanda said you two think this world is about to end…..she and a couple of other Witches think this world might make it.” “It will not!” “It might” said Kimmie Lou. “No it won’t!” “Yes it will !” “Will not!” “Will too!”“WILL NOT!” “WILL TOO!”…..They went on like this for a stretch until Kimmie Lou’s front fender started to tremble and her voice started to crack (Machines get all choked up at the end of worlds…..which is funny when you think about it cause the rest of the time they don’t indulge emotions).
A while later we connected with the famous highway 129 just outside of Andrews, North Carolina – the fabled section a few hours North was calling us. All the arguing had left everyone exhausted….we all agreed that we lacked the right headspace to tackle The Tail of the Dragon, it would have to wait for a day or two, a campsite, fire and marshmallows became our mission. We ride into Robbinsville and Kimmie Lou just steers herself into a place called Pop and Nana’s – charming little joint, “let’s get ice cream!” “Kimmie Lou, would you like anything?” “Could we come back tomorrow and get a picture – after washing all the dust off and dropping these bags?” “Absolutely Kimmie Lou, anything for you darlin.” Ridicu and Kimmie Lou don’t just kiss and make up…..sometimes you almost have to get them a room.
A Beaming Beauty comes out of the kitchen as we step up to the counter. “Howdy miss, we’d like to watch you split a Banana.” “Certainly, but that means I build it my way – dealer’s choice for everything else.” “Lead on,” I looked at her name tag, “Angle.” “That’s a pretty unusual handle….what’s the angle?” She smiled at us as the Banana settled into the boat like a tree falling in the forest, except……there wasn’t a sound. ” According to my Mama I was always Jack-knifed in utero, if she wanted to sit or lay down she would have to dance the twist for a few minutes to work me into a ball first.” Her artistry over the Banana was other worldly, we couldn’t wait to share the Split (Split personalities are real snobs when it comes to Banana Splits).
As Angle lay the split before us and took our money, she did a little twist (mostly with her elbows) and for an instant we stood still while the entire establishment spun 360 degrees around us. Angle gave us $20 change from our $10 bill, we stuck it in her tip jar and took a seat by the window. Our previous pledge to keep the blog PG13, restrains us from most descriptors – writing, gets a little sticky here, with all the wild imagery swirling us back to the bliss that was this split. Better to forget what it tasted like and press on…..somethings can’t be discussed in polite company.
Afterwards we went outside to fetch the iPad out of Mr Fandango, discuss a few campground options. “The trip odometer still says 12 7/8……I was sure this experience would register.” “She’s an Alien” said Kimmie Lou. “Yikes – really?” Kimmie Lou laughed “when was the last time you Morons had a split so good?” “Jeez, dunno,it’s been eons…..oh.” “Only human beings, witches, mystical beings and animals can roll the odometer – Aliens don’t count” said Kimmie Lou, then added “Wanda did say Aliens were almost ready to shut this world down.” Normally we tolerate Aliens, they are just different beings, after all, but it bugs us when they end a world – so messy, “Did she say when they would close things down?” Kimmie Lou thought about it, “I recall her saying something about December 21st.” MAYANS! Great, how did we wind up in the middle of another one of these shit shows!
We confer for a few minutes, initially I wanted to scratch this whole state off the trip – just get back on Kimmie Lou and ride to Tennessee, but she talked me out of it. “Look maybe we could hang around and watch for where an alternate ending could fit in here…..the way she spun the building means something right?” “This might be the Next Center of the Universe, I mean with Banana Splits like that.” We went back inside to hang out – you can’t spy on Aliens, they catch on, so we just surfed campsites until another employee noticed and said “there has been a cancellation out at the Beehive, if you are looking for a place to stay.” “Sounds splendid, we could use a break from sleeping on or in the ground.”
As we rode away Kimmie Lou asked “so, if the Beehive only rents by the week, doesn’t that hammer our budget?” “We got a last minute deal, too good to pass up….or they want to keep an eye on us – it’s hard to say.” Besides, look around – this place is full of the most potent ingredient…….Workerbeesiacs!”